and I was abused as a child and raped as an adult. It makes me feel like dying all the time. As a result of it I have a disease. I have never had a normal sex life. I feel uncomfortable in my body. I think every thing has been abusive in one way or another. The thought of sex makes me physically ill and anything that reminds me of it is avoided. I become aggressively angry if people talk about it around me or make jokes. I shower with clothes on. I have nightmares. I have PTSD. No one cares anymore because they're tired of me talking about it. I mean I don't talk about IT but I complain about certain things in my life. I don't trust other men and I don't like being in crowded places. I punched a guy in the face and broke his nose my senior year of college because he jumped on my back. Are there other men out there or people who could relate?