I'm a man

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by 40lux, Feb 2, 2011.

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  1. 40lux

    40lux New Member

    and I was abused as a child and raped as an adult. It makes me feel like dying all the time. As a result of it I have a disease. I have never had a normal sex life. I feel uncomfortable in my body. I think every thing has been abusive in one way or another. The thought of sex makes me physically ill and anything that reminds me of it is avoided. I become aggressively angry if people talk about it around me or make jokes. I shower with clothes on. I have nightmares. I have PTSD. No one cares anymore because they're tired of me talking about it. I mean I don't talk about IT but I complain about certain things in my life. I don't trust other men and I don't like being in crowded places. I punched a guy in the face and broke his nose my senior year of college because he jumped on my back.

    Are there other men out there or people who could relate?
     
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I relate, tho i am a woman, so its more "normal" thought what we were subjected to and what we feel shouldnt be considered normal by any stretch of the mind.
    I cant fix how you feel, i wish i could, because it is the worst feeling ever. I can say that there are chances of feeling safe around some people. but its hard to achieve. if i can do anything to help, i will try :hug:

    :sheep2:
     
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i also have ptsd from childhood abuse. it's taken years with a good therapist for me to start feeling better. have you anyone to talk to about how you feel? it is possible to start to heal. you are worth it.
     
  4. 40lux

    40lux New Member

    I've been in therapy since I was 17 but it doesn't help. It just makes me mad now. It doesn't help that I have another mental illness that makes me relive everything all day. I've lost all my friends because no one can relate and they think I'm too dramatic and desperate because I need to be talking to someone else at all times to get out of my head or else I focus on killing myself. I have no one now it feels like so it's only a matter of time. I can't wait for it all to be over.
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I think there are a lot of people who will be able to relate, at least in some ways, to what you're going through. Posting and talking here might help, to give you something to focus on that's outside of your head, and also to get some of those thoughts out. My PM box is always open if you ever need someone to talk to.
     
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. I can understand how it might be harder for a male to deal with being raped than for a female. There are more support centers for women, because it happens more frequently to women than men. I wasn't sexually abused but I'm here to help if you need a friend. :hug:
     
  7. 40lux

    40lux New Member

    I have met another men who was raped. Also more who have been molested as kids. It's something I think about non stop but can't talk about with people. The silence hurts.

    I would love to be in contact with you guys. It means a lot you reached out to me.
     
  8. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that happened to you... :console::console::console:
    the emotional damage is huge and no amount of words can erase the pain you feel.
    Just know that you are not alone ok! People care, we care... keep posting so we can all support you.

    I have also been damaged in similar areas... don't let them put their issues onto you, don't let them have the victory over you...!!
    Your healing and valuing yourself will be the ultimate raised finger to them. they will still be disgusting individual's tomorrow but you will be stronger and victorious...

    Pandora's Aquarium is a forum/site for people who have violated. There is also a mens only forum that is password protected so I am sure you may find other men going through what you're feeling.

    Hang in there!
    Hugs
    Ditsy
     
  9. Shax

    Shax Banned Member

    G'day 40Lux, have been dealing with dissimilar relational issues to you. I could use some interaction on this as well, because I'm a man as well and it's difficult to find other men who're dealing with this. On that note, thanks for the site ditsy.
     
  10. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry you had to go through that.

    Im a girl, but I can relate to what your going through, Im sorry I dont have words that will make you feel better but know your not alone in this, most men will not speak up because they are scared for people to see them as week, Im glad that your able to speak out about it and I hope your post lets others know that it just doesnt happen to woman and that men need support to.

    Hugs
     
  11. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Have you been on After Silence? They have a forum for men who have been raped.
     
  12. Shax

    Shax Banned Member

    No I haven't :mortd:
     
  13. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    My sister used to get me to touch her and stuff. It had the same effect on me. I've never had a normal sex life or a relationship for that matter.... I know how you feel in a way.
     
  14. sbuck

    sbuck Well-Known Member

    i am a woman, who was abused by a woman. its not exactly the same... but i can still in a way relate.
    because of this i do not trust woman at all. i hate them. it has also fucked with my brain immensely, because it confuses my sexuality. i hate woman, yet i am oddly attracted to them. and i hate myself for it. it has also messed with my sex life because i view sex as a way to keep a person now. so even if i dont want it, ill do it anyways. i see it as love. in my brain sex= love= friend
     
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