It's funny how someone's happiness and dampen your own. I went to the local club to support my deceased best mate's sister perform in a Talent competiton which takes a lot of courage after the six months the family has had - she came 2nd and goes through to the semis. She has her best friend over from the states which made me smile for the first time since it happened (She seems to be vibrant at the moment which she deserves time to be) but that feeling of happiness for her quickly turned me solemn - I no longer have that one person who just touches my soul. Without him I am so alone. I really struggle for forward emotions towards anyone in terms of caring and loving aspects and he was everything to me in what a Best mate and a brother should stand for. Ultimately I don't want to replace my mate with someone else as a best friend so it leaves me sort of high and dry - What's the point? I feel like I've got no one and I feel like I am not meant to find my place in life or deserve to gain solace.