I'm a mess

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by booklovr, Jul 25, 2016.

  1. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    Hi there ,
    Okay...so I am reaching this thing where I have these huge mood swings....I just get triggered...quite easily infact..and then I cry and cry ....I havnt cut for some ..but last night I broke my (mod edit:triggering details)
    But what's worse is.. at this time.e I become insufferable for those around me...I become super mean and sarcastic in an evil sort of way..
    It's like I'm a different person..and later I feel horrible for my words...it's the horror of having hurt someone who might actually care about me...
    I lose a few friends every other day because of this tendency...
    I can't control it..I become honest and harsh and unfeeling...I hate to hurt these people..but then we'll they leave me and I feel worse than ever before...
    I'm sad and lonely and depressed..
    And I don't know what to do...
    I feel so unlovable...I run after those who don't give a fuck about me...and push away those who care...I'm wretched person...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 25, 2016
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    I am sorry that you are struggling so much. What about asking a doctor about the mood swings?

  3. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to hear that you were able to resist the urge to cut. It's also good that you are aware of your actions and words to those who care. Try being open with them about what is going on inside with you.
    Nothing lasts forever but hopefully those who love and care about you will try to be understanding and patient while you work on improving things on your end. It can be rough for those who we lash out against. :(

    We're here either to support you in your efforts.
    SinisterKid likes this.
  4. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you are bipolar-there are many mood-stabilizing medications that can help a lot to calm your nerves while you start working on yourself. Sometimes in life-instead of coming together harmoniously, things fall apart and leave a person lost without a lifeline of hope. It is especially challenging when the people you count on to provide support instead provide resistance. I truly believe that people who have never suffered from chronic depression don't believe that it is a real sickness. Sometimes people think that we make things up to get attention and sympathy. It's not true but many believe that so we do not get compassion and support. Try to be strong for your own benefit and not be angry at those around who really don't understand what you're going through. And stay connected with like-minded individuals on this forum who can totally relate to where you are and how you feel. We've all been there and wish the very best for you :)
    SinisterKid and booklovr like this.
  5. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    Thank you alexi Kate and lifetalkz ....
    I understand....I'm not on medication I've never seen a therapist.. sometimes I wonder if I actually even have a problem...my parents don't really know much about this..so you guys are pretty much all I've got..
    My main foremost(not the only) triggers are my mom's sharp words in her temper..they tear me apart..and over the years have made me hate myself....now it's like a cycle..it's come to a new phase where my words..harsh and hard hit people around me.....I feel desolated and hated ... Please tell me how do I not hurt people ...or rather how do I stop that evil wierd bitch in me from hurting my friends...
  6. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I really cannot add to what the previous two posts have said, they both make perfect sense to me. Support is always available her though, thankfully. Stay safe ok.
  7. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    A doctor would most likely be the one who prescribes medication.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    For what it is worth I think you are a lovely kind and caring person. A therapist doesn't prescribe medications but they often refer to your doctor on your state of mind and how you are feeling (if you give them permission) the doctor is the person that will diagnose and prescribe. A psychiatrist doctor would be your best bet. I hope you get better, you are a wonderful person and deserve to live a better life! (hugs) we are always here for you.
    booklovr likes this.
  9. Anonymous <3

    Anonymous <3 Active Member

    You may be mean and sarcastic right now, but that doesn't sound like you. You sound like wonderful person.
    How are you a wretched person? Those people who don't care about you, I'm sure they have no idea what they're missing out on. I mean, you're spending time on them! That's gotta mean something!!
    I know how family problems feel like. They hurt the most because they're the people who are supposed to be there for you, not the ones tearing you apart.
    What I've learned, is that you can't change them.
    I know that the hurt comes from them, and that nothing will change until they change, but that's not true.
    You'd never know if they change until you try.
    If they don't know how you feel, tell them!
    If they don't care, then you can't force them to. Do what I do, change how you react.
    Every time my mom guilts me, I block her words. I hear them, but I've let them pass over me. It's not the most effective, but it doesn't quite tear me apart. You'll find your way.
    However, if your mum only does it when she's angry, she probably doesn't mean it.
    booklovr, you're strong. Independent. Beautiful.
    Your life is there. You just have to take it.
    booklovr likes this.
  10. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    Hi ..it's lovely to meet you.
    You have no idea how a few kind words by wonderful people like you consider me and make me all warm inside.. Thank you. And about mom.. Yeah that's what I do...I shut down. Don't utter a word let her anger wash over me.. I take all she's says and never contradict...I try to distract my mind to end up with minimum damage...
    Anyways pleasure meeting you ..I'm kriti,hope we talk again.:)
  11. Anonymous <3

    Anonymous <3 Active Member

    Hope we can :)
    Never forget that you are a wonderful person