I'm a monster.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ASkylitDrive, May 23, 2010.

  1. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    Don't deny it...I am. I get reminded daily. The mistakes I made are the worst. I made someone cry and someone else cut, just by having a bad day. Monsters deserve to die...I should just vanish from the earth..everyone would feel better. They would..All I have to do is get my method..the one I had set for june...its all I need.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Well, there's no point arguing about it if you've convinced yourself.

    You have a very distorted view of it though, that's all I'll say.
  3. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    If you are a monster, then so am i.
  4. Brandon

    Brandon Well-Known Member

    shelbi hun, please don't do this. stay and talk to me, i'll stay with you all night. please. you're not a fucking monter. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Rude>
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2010
  5. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    You are not a monster. You can't make someone hurt themselves. You can't hold yourself responsible for that. I'm around if you want to talk. :hug:
  6. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    I had two people today told me straight up I made them hurt.
  7. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I have to agree with Fawkes here (while i don't directly agree with his delivery)

    It is distored thinking.

    Shelbi...fuck those people. They are the monsters.
  8. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    So what if they told you you made them hurt? It doesn't mean anything. Yea, we're human and we fuck up but we can't control other people's reactions. That's on them, not you. I doubt you did anything rude or mean intentionally so why beat yourself up over it?

    Also, I don't think calling those people monsters is right either. When we're hurting we say things we don't really mean, it doesn't make us monsters. Give them time to cool off, I'm sure things will work out alright.
  9. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    Someone cut themselves because of me..
    I made a fucking thread trying to VOW for them not to cut..
    I can't...handle that kind of guilt
  10. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    You are not responsible for that person cutting themselves. I'm sorry that it came to that for that person, but saying you are to blame isn't right.. we can only control our own actions, not other people. It goes for both of you... you can't control what they do and they can't control what you say. All we can do is try our best and you sound like you did what you needed to to get them not to cut so how is it your fault? You aren't guilty of anything.
  11. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    <Mod Edit, WildCherry>

    You might calm her down for the night, but then what when it happens again?

    She needs help to fix her distorted way of thinking about these kind of things long term, not just an endless cycle of temporary calming and then more breakdowns.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2010
  12. A.SoNiC.boY

    A.SoNiC.boY Well-Known Member

    Shelbi, we are all responsible for our own actions, whether thats cutting or od's or anything else we do to ourselves. anyone who tells you they cut themselves, and that it was your fault is in denial of the root cause. In the end we're responsible for ourselves and, for the most part what we do.
  13. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Shelbi, honey, you are not a monster. You are precious and your life is precious. You are not responsible for other people's actions. Please talk to us. :hug:
  14. brokenandlonely

    brokenandlonely Well-Known Member

    Shelbi, I hope that you are doing okay and I am here if you need someone to talk to. Just like you have helped me, I really do care about you and want to let you know that I and a handful of others are here for you. :hug:
  15. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    has anyone spoken to her today?
  16. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Yeah shes ok
  17. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    Yea I'm okay..Sorry
    I'm on immune pills now..Apparently all the ods are adding up. Eh.
  18. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    What does that mean?
  19. InTheMatrix

    InTheMatrix Active Member

    Shelbi, I don't even really know you that well...but from what I can see, you're not a monster. You helped save the person I love most. I consider you a hero for that. Don't worry if you made someone cut. I've done the same thing...just because I had a bad day once I pushed Bex over the edge when she was depressed and triggered her. She didn't cut after that, though.
  20. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Wow, I think this about me too. I'm a monster as well. So nice to meet another. When the world is darken on me, I lash out and the monster in me becomes like this Dr. Jekyll & Mr Hyde transition. The other day I yelled at a neighbor because he was throwing balls at my garage. I had to control myself. I think we are all monsters especially in a world full of stereotypes and hidden rules we think we must abide by but its B.S.!!!!