I'm a newbie

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by daveytrain, Dec 3, 2007.

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  1. daveytrain

    daveytrain New Member

    Hey everyone....well, i want to start off by saying that I attempted suicide a couple years ago, was "rescued", and subsequently admitted to a rehab hospital, whereupon i began taking depression meds. Over the next year or so, my doctor swapped one brand for another, judging by how I felt , which, honestly, I didn't feel much of anything. However, things got pretty bad when he had me taking 2 different kinds of meds, which I just thought was b.s. so I stopped taking them - without telling my doctor, of course. It didn't take long for me to try to kill myself again. It was really stupid. Finally, I got on a path of recovery (medication-wise) and was conforming to a regimen for over a year. However, once again, I had noticed how I just wasn't feeling anything from it - and when i would miss a med for just a day - I would get really bad sensations and suicide flashbacks. Now I am being tapered off of that and am taking a bare-bones, old-school, tried-and-true medication that I am hoping will just get me on a normal wavelength. Ultimately, I just want to be completely un-medicated.
    I am writing this, however, because no matter how many different meds you take, they are not going to be a cure-all. And these new meds that I am taking, although much better than all of my previous ones, are just that - meds. No "cure-alls" here, just "treatments". I have been feeling extremely suicidal as of late, due to finances and just a general state of stagnation in life. I have read several posts on here by people and they are touching...I can relate to several of them. I have attempted suicide in the past, and yet here I am, feeling these emotions slowly consume me. I've just gotten so fed up with the world, how constricted my life is with my financial problems, not to mention my loneliness and living in a depressing part of the country where the sun may not come out for months on end. I just feel like sleep is one of the few points of comfort and ease in life, and wouldn't it be nice to sleep forever?
    I graduated college 3 years ago so it's been especially hard trying to live like an "adult". I've pretty much given up faith in God, because everytime I have prayed and asked Him for help and guidance, I've gotten nothing but the wind outside as a response. I feel alone, as if I am standing still and transparent, while everybody and everything else in the world is just breezing by me. I so badly want to be "in the loop" - I want to be "normal".
  2. JayJay

    JayJay Well-Known Member

    Just want to you to know that you are not alone and you will never be alone. Welcome to this site, we are all the same here. We don;t judge.

    We all have our problems here, yet we love, care and support each other !

    How are you feeling tonight ?

    Stay safe

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