I'm a nobody

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Gregor, Aug 29, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    I feel like I am a nobody. My whole life has turned out to be a disappointment. I don't have very many friends. I don't have a license (because I'm such a failure and loser) so I can't really get out of the house much. A lot of my interactions are online as a result.

    I run a successful website online but it is only through sheer luck that it happened and nothing to do with me. I proved this by disappearing for a week and nobody even noticed. I have over 700 people on my AIM buddy list. Unless I message them, I can sit online all day long without anybody talking to me. It's like I don't exist.

    This is especially true of a girl that I met and fell in love with. I've had these feelings for years and finally told her a few months ago. She has no feelings for me. She once told me she considered me one of her best friends but she barely ever even talks to me so that was probably just to make me feel better. I must admit this is probably 99% of the reason I feel so inadequate these days. We are a perfect match. Why can't she at least give me a chance? What's wrong with me? I've been looking for a girl like her all my life and finally found her and now that we can never be together, what do I have to look forward to? I'm 25 years old by the way. She's not the first girl to have rejected me. But she is the only girl I have fallen in love with.

    It feels like if I disappeared today, more people would be happy than sad. Very few would probably even notice outside of my immediate family. I'm a nobody. Nobody cares so why should I?
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome, Gregor. :hug: I hope this site and its members can keep you company at times. With caring.....Mr. A
     
  3. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    Gregor,

    If you would like, I'd be more than happy to talk with you. I frequently use MSN and the chat on these forums.

    Jessica-castle@hotmail.com

    I look forward to talking to you...things do get better. Believe me.
     
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Perfect matches are strange things, we can think we are perfect for somebody............but how can that be if they think differently?
    Better to be with somebody that reciprocates that love, otherwise it would never be right.
    I have found that by drawing in, even in the cyber world i have found who really cares about me and who doesn't.
    Same in real life i guess, a true friend to me is someone who is the same, be it whether i see them weekly, monthly or every ten years.
    I think that success and contentment is measured in how strong within we are and how kind we are to ourselves and others. Not in money and the amount of friends we have.
    What i do know is, when we can hold our own heart and know we have been honest and nice, it doesn't really matter. Because those negative thoughts are easily controlled. Takes intention though as well as a hefty look inside.
     
  5. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    hello,im in the same situation regarding lack of friends etc..you say that you dont get out much and there lies the problem.i have anxiety issues and dont do well in social situations so when i have met a girl i probably go overboard hoping she will be the one and when it ends it takes me years to get over them.where as if i was a social animal id probably be dating someone else within weeks,i guess im trying to say that there are lots of girls out there that would be right for you but theyre not gonna come knocking on your door.Too much time on your own makes it more likely that you can become fixated with someone in my experience.Your self esteem seems quite low right now and you should try giving yourself some credit and try to learn to love yourself.i struggle with that too but this world will beat you up enough without you beating yourself up.im messed up myself but i hope you might find something of interest in my ramblings. mark
     
  6. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    Hey guys, thank you for all the replies already!

    Jessica, I don't have MSN I don't think. Would it be okay if maybe I e-mailed you and we talked a little? Thanks for caring so much.

    And Mark I kind of agree with you. It's really lonely sometimes and this girl makes me laugh and feel good. She is so awesome. I know there's lots of other girls out there but to me it's just not the same. I always think to myself Yeah but it's not Sarah. She truly is one of a kind. I'm never going to find someone like her in a million years.

    It doesn't seem fair to another girl either for me to "lead her on" so to speak when I actually love somebody else. And then there's always that voice in the back of my mind telling me I shouldn't be doing it because there might still be hope with Sarah someday.
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :D the best part about being a nobody is no one has any expectations of you. So it is really easy to become a somebody. Even better, when people see you were a nobody, when you become a somebody. You get quadruple the credit. Because you turned your life around for the better. You are that much more awesome and attractive because you were able to turn your life around.

    As for this girl, how well did you really know her. Did you guys spend a lot of time together? Sorry for being skeptical about your feelings. However, I find guys like us tend to confuse love with lust. Mainly because we are ashamed of those feelings. So unless you found her physically repulsive. I am going to have a hard time believing she was the one. Here we run into another problem with human mating. You have two individual minds. If those minds do not agree, then it won't work. That is just how life works.

    Friend you sound like you have two goals to shoot for. The first is to become more social. The second is to get good with women. The best part about these is that they go hand in hand. You should go out there and get REALLY GOOD with women. I am sure you will find that this girl might not have been the one. If you still believe she is the one. The you have an edge. Because you are a new better person. If you show a significant positive change she will feel more inclined to give you another chance.

    I am sure you can do it if you put your mind to it.
     
  8. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    Hey, yeah. Like I said I've had these feelings for her for a long time. To be quite honest, I actually originally met her online (lol) and I felt this way even before I knew what she looked like!

    We did spend a lot of time together. We'd talk for hours and hours a day. We share a lot of our interests and have similar personalities so I loved just being around her. That doesn't really happen so much anymore because now I just feel like I'm a burden to her and that I annoy her so I try to leave her alone more often. It seems like that's how it goes with most people. I feel like my presence just annoys people after awhile, I just get that vibe, and so I always just tend to slink away from them. I must be too overbearing or something.

    Believe me, I've thought long and hard about how I feel and asking myself the same question you just asked me. I truly do love her, though. That's what makes this so hard.
     
  9. traeh

    traeh New Member

    As long as you can still feel love it means you still have a heart... try and share someof that love with yourself... I know it's not the done thing in Modern society... but you can love yourself tooo though I know it's really hard to do and very easy to say.

    Love and best wishes that things will get better

    :hugtackles::hugtackles:
     
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Maybe there is something to the old saying that opposites attract..
     
  11. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi

    I haven't read the replies to your message so sorry if I repeat anything but i wanted to just say how much i was struck when i reading your message about how critical you are towards yourself. You seem to think everything is your fault, and if anything good happens in your life you feel that hasn't anything to do with anything you have done. I wonder where those negative beliefs have come from but also more importantly whether you'd be able to challenge them.. in other words try to be kind to yourself and give yourself a break! 700 people on AIM.. i don't think i even know 700 people so really you must be doing something right to have so many buddies.

    I am sorry though about the relationship rejection.. that must be so difficult for you and maybe even more so seeing as you feel so badly towards yourself anyway. Any rejection can be very painful and i wish i had some words of wisdom other than to please just try to be kind to yourself.. things are very painful now but they will not always feel like this.

    Jenny
     
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm ok one more thing you can clarify for me. How much of your relationship was offline? I mean if you are only seeing her once every couple of weeks then it gets harder to maintain the needed emotional contact to build what you were looking for. Another thing to consider is how long it took you to come forward. There might have been a time when she wanted to be with you. However, I have noticed women tend to tire of waiting more easily than men.

    All I can say is that if you loved her. What is stopping you from loving another woman? I think you need to cut her off. Be frank, tell her that you cannot be around someone you have feelings for while you are unattached. If she cannot understand, then she is not as great as you think she is. Being around someone you desire and can not have will only fuel your already low self-esteem. It is a constant reminder of your lesser value, to another. Even if you find someone else those feelings will get in the way of that relationship. At this point your feelings for her become like a drug. Yes you feel good and you enjoy the feeling. However, there are really bad side-effects.
     
  13. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    It's amazing to me to here a guy say this. Most guys I've known (relationships) never had the first clue about what love meant. I'm not sure I knew a guy was capable of feeling that strong for a woman. I mean it's nice to know.. I would love to find that with someone someday, but like you are, I am stuck loving this one guy I could never ever be in a relationship with, 11 years and still can't get myself to date anyone.

    One thing I do know is that you shouldn't let it hurt you. I was suicidal over it for quite a long time. I never thought I'd recover from that. I can't even put into words how bad it hurt me. But love shouldn't be that way. I'm glad he's happy, I want him to stay that way. And that makes me happy.

    It's the most difficult, suckiest thing in the world, to love someone that fkn much, and to know it's not meant to be. But anytime I am around him, it puts a smile in my heart. I know no matter what happens, I'll love him forever. But this isn't healthy at all. You should try to move on, if it doesn't work out, well it just doesn't. But I believe if you can find it in your heart to try, you might end up finding someone else you are capable of loving also.

    I don't have it in my heart to make that effort. But someone to share my life with, is really the only thing I want from life. It just sucks. I don't think I could ever let go of this. He means too much to me. :(

    It's no different than if someone told me to turn off the love I have for my children, it can't be done.
     
  14. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    Thanks for sharing your story with me cutiepie132. Yeah I guess I am an emotional guy, heh. I have a feeling that 10 years from now I'll be the one looking back and saying that I haven't dated anyone because I can't get over Sarah. Like you said, I can't just turn my feelings for her off.

    Like you, being around her makes me really happy. That's why I don't think I could ever do what you suggested forgotten_man. I can't just cut her out of my life. Even if I can never have her, being her friend is better than nothing.

    But on the other hand, you're also right. Being around her is also a constant reminder that I'm not good enough. A constant reminder we can never be together. This kills me. Being around her is both awesome and incredibly difficult.

    I know I should be glad she's happy, and I want her to be happy of course, but I guess I'm just too selfish because I am very unhappy. She's single now and has been ever since I've known her but I DREAD the day she finds someone. It'll eventually happen. I just hope I can make it through that being as depressed as I am already...
     
  15. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    The only other guy I really had such strong feelings for, and not quite as strong, was my son's father. He was abusive, he cheated on me, hit me. Turned away from his son. 3 weeks after he was born, I get a call from a girl he was living with. He made his family think I cheated on him and that my baby didn't belong to him. Nothing was healthy about this relationship yet I loved the man with all of my heart. He died when my son was about 2 years old. Even though he did me so dirty, I would go sit at his grave and cry for hours. I went on into a relationship with someone else. While I was with this guy, him being right there, I would cry over my son's father being gone, and because I loved him so much. However, letting myself move on, I healed from this. If I would let myself move on from this guy I love so much now, I may be able to heal from that also. But the problem is, I'm not willing to try. At least she is single, maybe later on down the road, her feelings could change. You could just stay friends with her and see how it goes. But don't hold yourself back from a relationship with someone else. You don't know what could happen unless you try. You may also never get over this as long as you let yourself spend time with her. But I know that would be a difficult step in taking. I couldn't do it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 29, 2011
  16. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    Yeah the one thing I have been holding onto is the hope that one day she may give me a chance at least. I have "good" days and bad days sometimes. It seems the "good" days are when her and I spend the most time together so I think trying to cut myself off or get over her would ultimately just deprive myself of the few good days I get. And when I have bad days, I get very very depressed. Today was a bad day (which is why I found this forum).
     
  17. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well in the end it is your choice. I am pretty sure that being around her will only make you happy for so long. Then it will start to cause you pain. Once she is taken I doubt being around her will make you happy. At least if she is single there is always hope she might settle for you. Once she is taken, there is no hope.

    Maybe no contact is a little much, however, I think you need to have a serious reduction in your communication. Make her an email pen pal. Make sure to not obsessively reply to her emails. There are plenty of people on this forum who just watch. They watch from a distance while their "Loves" are loved by others. I have yet to meet one who is happy watching their love be happy.

    Breaking an addiction is always the most difficult in the beginning. However, if you can get past that first hump you will find it easier and easier. It is perfectly acceptable to keep someone at a distance while you try to fill your heart with another. If she has a problem with that, then she is petty. I am sure you will be just fine without her. However, you have to take that first step and be without her.

    As always it is your choice. I went through a similar phase. The girl I call my ex found a guy willing to commit. I said the same things you did "I love her and a little of her is better than none". However, it eventually spiraled out of control. I only got better once I stopped seeing her. It sucked, we shared a very special relationship. However, in the end I would be dead if I had not. So I speak from experience.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.