time just keeps going by and i have still not found any purpose in my life. i am literally just sitting in my apartment, not doing anything productive, and knowing that i need to die, that that is the best thing, but i still have not done it! Im so depressed that i can't get anything i need to done, and now i can't even get killing myself done. how pathetic is that? i'm starting to wish i had a gun and not just pills so that i could get it over with faster. or that i lived in a very dangerous area so i could just walk alone at night and likely get killed. i really really want to die. why can't i just make myself do it damn it?!?! if it's possible i hate myself even more. god kill me in my sleep.