im a TERRIBLE person

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by obscure, Mar 3, 2011.

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  1. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. and before we started dating we slept together for about 6 months, give or take. during those 6 mnonths, i had 2 boyfriends, one was just ending when i met my current boyfriend, the other one didnt last long (he was a huge player) and my current boyfriend knew i had boyfriends while we were fucking. he had a girlfriend too. anyways, i made a bad decision and ended up with chlamydia. i told him, we got it sorted out and dealt with. the next day i was horny and got out my toy, i did my thing and whatever. a few months into my relationship with my boyfriend, i had symptoms of chlamydia again. i forgot to thoroughly wash my toy i guess. dont take that the wrong way, i totally wash it after every use but its got little bumps and things on it which makes it harder to get everything. i have never cheated, havent even thought of cheating, hes the love of my life and now a year and a half into our relationship i somehow have to tell him that i have chlamydia again, convince him i didnt cheat and get this dealt with because weve been talking about kids. i read somewhere that chlamydia can cause infertility and other bad things if untreated and now im scared to death that im infertile. all ive ever wanted is to be a mom and if i cant have kids ill kill myself, there wont be a purpose to living if i cant be a mom. i cant lose my boyfriend, he is the only reason im doing so well compared to before i met him. i dont know what to do. im a terrible person for hiding this for so long and i know it but im terrified to lose him. hes pretty much everything to me.
     
  2. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    it definitely dosnt make you a terrible person, you know you havn't cheated but i can understand why he might think otherwise. can't you sort it out by yourself confidentially?

    accidents happen, you are not a bad person, just unfortunate.
     
  3. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    You aren't bad at all! You can be treated in confidence - talk to your doctor. x
     
  4. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    ive been thinking and thinking about how to deal with this confidentially but the meds for it are prescription only and they only give you enough for one person, so im lost as to how id be able to get the meds for him and into him without him knowing. ive devised plan after plan but it always makes me feel worse for even thinking about trying to sneak around. the past few days ive been trying to think of a way to just tell him, but it always comes back to being afraid of losing him. im just going to tell him, if i lose him so be it, he probably isnt all that great if he doesnt listen and understand anyway.
     
  5. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    so you believe he will also now have it. the only way is to talk to him.
    sneeking him meds as far less ionnocent and if he found out trust would take a long time to build back up. if hes reasonable and trusts you then he will accept what you are saying.
    it will be hard in the short term but the only way in the long term.
     
  6. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    You can't try and sneak him meds - bottom line! I think it's something you need to talk to him about though.

    I don't have much medical knowledge but I don't think Chlamydia can survive that long on a toy?? It may be that it didn't clear up properly when you first got treatment.

    Also, I don't want to upset you, but it may be that your bf infected you - maybe he wasn't cleared up last time?
     
  7. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    he didnt get it last time. he got tested and got the meds and everything but the tests came back negative, which is why i feel soo bad now. it could be either. i dont know how it happened all i know is it did and i didnt cheat. i just dont know how to tell him without him freaking out. and id be so lost if he didnt believe i didnt cheat and left me. and did i mention he lives down the street from me so whether were together or not, id see him every day. this is a ridiculous messed up situation and i hate myself because its all my fault.
     
  8. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Sweety - do you think he is the one who has cheated?? x
     
  9. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    and i know sneaking him meds is wrong. my head is kind of split into 2, one side is logical and honesty is the best policy regardless of the outcome, where the other side knows how devestated id be without him and it was just something that crossed my mind, with good intentions but obviously, its just terrible. id never do it. just something that was on my mind, driving me nuts and i had to get it out.
     
  10. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    its crossed my mind. i mean he did cheat on his woman with me. i started as the other woman and it scares the crap out of me to think that its entirely possible for him to have another woman. which is another reason im so scared to bring up this whole thing. if he cheated or is cheating, it would come out and shatter me. he says hes never cheated on me and i know i should trust that but, with our history its hard to.
     
  11. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Get yourself treated as a priority and talk to your doctor about the possibility that your treatemnt didn't work last time or that maybe the test your bf had was wrong.
     
  12. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    thats my first step, i know thats the first step. i just have to be ready to tell him shortly after and its been like a crazy battle trying to figure out the best way to do that. i think my problem is that i dont know how he'll react and that really scares me.
     
  13. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Eh, I'm sure you can handle it. You sort of have to at some point to maintain his trust. Find a moment where you can talk one-on-one and just tell him. After that, both of you will have the opportunity to try to work it out.
     
  14. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    i just remember how he reacted before and it made me feel so gross and slutty. its been almost 2 years now but im still afraid of his reaction. i dont know what id do without him and its a possibility that id lose him if i told him so i just left it. which has the potential to make me infertile, in which case id probably kill myself because i see no point to life if i cant have kids. im stuck
     
  15. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I would be honest, you would be surprised how understanding guys can be when you are honest and how accepting they are. Then I would get treated ASAP. I wouldn't worry about not being able to have a child. I think you would have to have it for years for that to happen, but seek treatment right away, you and your man. Blessings..
     
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