I have been fighting it for years with three attempts..I know how to end it quick..I am just fed up living like this..I have been isolating for twenty one years.. It has finally caught up with me.. Nothing I do anymore distracts the SI..I only have two friends outside of the forum..They live thousands of miles away..I have no one here that I am close too..I live with my sister andHere lately she has been getting on my badside.. I tired of her petty bullshit..I'm not close to my family.. I have two legal things hanging in the closet ready to jump out at any time..I just can't go on much longer like this..The only regret I have is what it will do to my grandaughter..The rest of the family will get over it.. They ignore me as it is..I'll go to a motel and do it because my sister told me I better not do it in her house.. Real caring huh??Well I am serious this time and see no future in it..Therapy isn't even helping.. This isn't a cry for help, I just needed to get it off my chest..