I had posted here over a year ago, and now I feel that I’m once again on the road to suicide. Back then I was going through some very bad times after being the victim of a violent robbery and rape by several men. I couldn’t return to work; in fact I was sure that I’d never work again. I did though, somehow I managed to survive and I started to put my life back together. Thanks in part to the kind words of the SF members. Unfortunately I’ve since lost my job. Due to reduced funding and other financial problems, the company I worked for wasn’t receiving new contracts and they pretty much had to lay everyone off. This alone isn’t the problem though. I do a very specific type of work that requires various licenses and certificates. I need to work a certain amount of time in order to maintain them, but because of all the time I took off because of what happened and then losing my job, it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to renew them. Basically, my career is over, and it’s a shame because I’m damn good at what I do. It’s complicated, but reacquiring my certification is impossible after it expires. It’s not easy for me to just find another job. As I said, all of my training is in a small and specific field. My skills aren’t transferable to any other type of work, not that I could find a job now anyway. It won’t be long before I can’t pay the bills and I loose everything. It’s a terrible feeling, almost like drowning. I can’t experience anything except constant anxiety. I suppose that it’s possible to continue to live in some capacity after this, but I’m just tired. I can’t take it any more. I mean, everything that has happened to me combined is too much to bear. So, I’ve started to plan my own death again. I’m not at the crisis stage yet, but that won’t be long off. I’ve resumed self destructive habits like drinking heavily and suicide now occupies my thoughts on a daily basis. I apologize for the length of this, but if you’ve made it this far, I thank you for reading.