I'm about to ruin everything I worked for...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by tinker[e]bell, Sep 14, 2016.

  1. tinker[e]bell

    tinker[e]bell Member

    And i don't know how to stop myself. I've become a better person this last year, I finally told the truth after lying for years, to myself and others. I stopped smoking. I started seeing a psychiatrist. I started running. I got engaged to a beautiful man, who helped me become a better person. Ive been clean for a year. I've improved. Still I feel like giving up all the time. And today, he left me. The last person who cares and tries for me. I am alone and like he said: I deserve it. I've tried thinking of all these things that I do better, I try telling myself he was an asshole, but it's not working. I'm afraid I'll ruin everything I've built up. I just wanna get drunk, get high and do something stupid. Like hurt myself or worse. I can get hospitalized, but I'm scared. It didn't help last time, it only made it worse. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I have no one. I.. I'm scared.
     
  2. I don't understand? How dare he tell u that u deserve it when u changed so much to be good? I know it's hard to believe in yourself but look how much u have achieved! Don't ruin it for some asshole who doesn't see the true treasure. Cause u r a treasure, if u can change yourself for better u r worth a lot because it means u r capable of love and empathy! Don't give up! Stay strong and I'm sure you'll be prised for all good u did in the past year
     
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum. What about calling a crisis line or taking yourself to emergency if you feel like you need to.
     
  4. tinker[e]bell

    tinker[e]bell Member

    Thank you so much. It really means a lot that you took the time to write that.. I really needed that.
     
  5. tinker[e]bell

    tinker[e]bell Member

    Thank you for writing and caring. I definitely will. Right now I think I'll wait it out till Friday, if i can. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist then and I'll ask to be hospitalized.
     
  6. Don't worry about that. I really wanted u to know that u r great to be able to change for good! Time spent on writing it was worth it.
     
  7. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I'm sorry things got so bad for you :( No matter what the circumstance, if you love a man, it is still devastating when things end. I really feel for you. I hope that you will be okay until you see your doctor on Friday. Coming here is very comforting. You can vent, talk, ask questions and even offer your own advice to others, it's helped me a lot during crisis. Take care of yourself, don't hurt yourself or drink okay? You can get through this. xx
     
    draws likes this.
  8. tinker[e]bell

    tinker[e]bell Member

    You're right and thank you. I really like this place.
    I'm trying to be strong.
     
  9. draws

    draws Active Member

    How are you feeling today? Do you have some good distractions? As hokey as it sounds, I suggest watching corny funny movies. Pretend you just had your tonsils removed and you have to baby yourself with uplifting distractions all day.
     
  10. tinker[e]bell

    tinker[e]bell Member

    To be honest... I feel terrible. Worse than terrible.
    Thank you so much for your advice. I'll definitely try that. And thank you for writing and caring. It means a lot to me.
     
  11. PumpkinSpice

    PumpkinSpice Member

    How are things today?
     
  12. jessanne

    jessanne Member

    Hi Hun I'm new here, not sure how all this works, but want to encourage you not to hurt yourself. You are special and you mean something. Hugs
     
  13. DadzTruk

    DadzTruk Member

    Tinker(e)bell,

    I am so sorry that you are dealing with all this, but do not give up what you are doing. It sounds like you have made so many amazing changes in the past year. Those are truly remarkable. So this guy wasn't the one. Don't worry about it. Don't throw away all the amazing things you are accomplishing over the rejection of one person. I get it. Rejection hurts. We have all been hurt by it at some point in our lives. You can push through the pain and move on. Most importantly, do NOT hurt yourself. That has never solved anything for anyone. It only takes your hurt and multiplies onto every person who cares about you. Life will get better. I've been at the bottom and I'm living proof that it will change. See your counselor and keep your head up. Praying for you to be encouraged and for hope to show itself in your life.
     
  14. tinker[e]bell

    tinker[e]bell Member

    Thank you so much. I already did stupid stuff that I can't take back now. I'm really trying though. Things just keep getting worse and it feels like I can't do anything. I'm not sure how long I can go on like this...
     
  15. tinker[e]bell

    tinker[e]bell Member

    Thank you very much for your reply. I needed to hear those things, even though I can't really believe them.
     
  16. DadzTruk

    DadzTruk Member

    The only way you lose in life is to give up. Keep going. Keep moving and refuse to stop. Life is full of cycles and your "good" cycle is on the way. Every day truly is a new day and a new beginning.
     
  17. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    In moments of anger during an argument, many things are said that aren't true of both parties. Especially when time has been invested in relationship, in time issues may seem no longer be relevant.

    I understand you feel so hurt now so try to focus on the positives of your relationship.