1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm about to throw up

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by ThePhantomLady, Mar 24, 2016.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I hate triggers. I hate them so, so much.

    I was having a seemingly okay day... tired and a bit sick... but so what... and now I feel so sick and upset. The 'Butterfly Hug' thing my therapist told me to do in case of me feeling this way helped for a second...

    I went to take a shower, I thought it would be a nice thing to do for myself. But I encountered a trigger...

    I got a bit of the shampoo in my mouth and I panicked. I became the little child I was when mummy would do that to me as punishment... I almost forgot about that.

    Why the hell would you do that to a child? What if I swallowed it? Wasn't lathering my tongue with mustard and holding me so I couldn't run to get water bad enough? Wasn't the icy cold showers she threw me in bad enough? Locking me in my little room or the cuppboard?

    No... of course not.

    I have so many triggers already... for obvious reasons I can't eat mustard. Last time I got a sandwich with mustard in it I actually threw up. If people shout I panic and get wet eyes... if people even touch me by accident on a bad day I want to run for my life
    I have such a long list already... and I wonder what I even can do... between my mother's abuse and the sexual abuse and rape I also went through...

    My boyfriend wanted me to tell him what things trigger me... I wondered if I should write him a list, but the truth is, on a bad day that list will be so long he will be afraid to even look at me for fear of hurting my feelings.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Hey hun, I am so sorry you are feeling triggered today *big hugs*. You should be honest with your boyfriend about your triggers. Even if you feel it is a long list, I am sure he will be supportive and try to help you, because he cares deeply about you and just wants you to be safe and happy. I hope you feel better soon :)
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi sweetie, I am so sorry I only saw this thread now. And of course I am so sorry you are going through this. What your mom did was completely out of line and unacceptable. You have a right to feel angry over this, I am glad you are at least able to talk things through about it here. I can't believe any mum would act in that matter. It's disgusting. I hope you're okay today pet and if not I'm here for you ((hugs))
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.