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I'm actually going mad.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by anarulesmenow, Jan 8, 2012.

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  1. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    I was up for ages before christmas and now I'm in a descent (bipolar btw) and I can feel the madness coming on. I've felt mad before, but never like this. I'm losing my memory, I'm so paranoid, I'm seeing and hearing things I shouldn't be. I've had it before but not like this. And this feels like only the start. Exams in a week, I don't actually feel like I can revise or turn up for them. I've been doing mad psychotic things every day for the past month or so, and this is only the start. I can feel it in me, if I let it out then I am going to go completely mad for a while where I won't even know myself. I can feel it, and I know I will have to let it out at some point. Where I am now it's about 5am and that's an early bedtime for me at the moment, I can't handle the night and going to bed and thinking about things when I go to bed. I know it's coming on bad and I know this sounds terrible but I can see myself ending up in a hospital bed soon. Generally I'm not actually suicidal, I've been there for a long time in the past but I'm actually very into living at the moment, but I feel like I will end up in hospital soon. It might not be a suicide attempt (but it very well could be too), but it could just be due to me doing something mad.
    Once this madness hits I'm not going to be posting for a while (it's going to be around for a while, I can feel it), but I will try and drag myself out of it. I want to live. I want a life. I'm really enjoying life when this disorder isn't here, which is new for me. I suppose that's something (trying to be optimistic here!)

    I ought to tell a friend for my own good, but it's a strange thing to tell someone -'Hi, I'm going mad'.
    Even that sounds mad! Wish me luck.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi there,

    Way to stay optimistic....that's awesome! :thumbup: By the way, I wish you luck with telling a friend as well as with your upcoming exams – that is, if you take them. Frankly, I cannot imagine how big of a toll the buildup of this potential madness is taking on you, and I am so sorry this is happening. :[ Maybe you can check into a hospital as soon as possible....After thinking about your posts for a while, I happen to think your excuse to not take the exams at this time is a pretty darn good one....what you're going through is so serious and can be validated, I reckon. Is there any way you can foresee being allowed to take the exam at a later date? Again, best of luck with everything, and please reach out before the madness comes on....Nice meeting you. :hug:

    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 8, 2012
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