im addicted to... everything

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sincl3007, May 8, 2013.

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  1. sincl3007

    sincl3007 New Member

    i feel like im addicted to self medicating so much with any kind of pills and overdosing ... i cant or wont currently kill myself as my mum is very ill and mentally ill too and i know if i done it she wold too and i do not want that i feel so trapped i have these episodes where i get so wound up i breath heavily i get really angry almost like im in a rage ive done alot of bad things when ive had these sudden rages and i worry that one day i might hurt someone close to me i have <Mod Edit, WildCherry> when i was younger when i had these rages of anger i havent done it to any animals the only thing is ive gone up a level i dont hurt people for no reason they either owe people alot of money or have done bad things to me in the past i feel like its getting more often with overdosing and sudden rages ... im not trying to kill myself overdosing it will proberly kill me eventually tho i like the feeling of the medication and then being so close to death ... death for myself is exciting i love the idea of finding out whats on the otherside ive gone through alot in my life with my dad not being around and having drugged up parents that have now turned clean for a long time i lived in a bad area where there was alot of violance and crimes but i did alot of crimes as we was a poor family although i was never caught again once i learned how to use my brain now i feel unstoppable i love being ill but at the same time i hate it i feel i will never get better ive tried to tell the crisis team these things and my gp but they just fobbed me off i dont know what to do anymore all my family have found out im ill and now my sister knows that i have od'd over 10 times in the passed year or two im 21 i was in the army but left as my mother was ill and now im her carer im also trained as a locksmith ... u can imagine how these things have made me feel unstoppable with crimes i plan carefully i dont currently do anything like this as im so busy with my mum and im not exactly poor im not greedy it was just hard growing up with near to no money we had to survive some how i dont take from the poor i take from the companys who can afford to feed the poor but they choose not too i have so many skills that are dangerous too i wont bring them up on here as id proberly be reported and banned from posting lol i feel so trapped 24/7 i dont want to be ill anymore i want to have kids with my gf get married and start working again once my mum has hopefully gotten better i just needadvice and what people think i should do or maybe u can sum up what the hell is wrong with me
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are playing a dangerous dangerous game here and yes it will one day take you away as it did my brother and he did nto want to leave he just wanted to escape pain one day he lost
  3. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Lets jump ahead several years ~ you've settled some in your life and found a way to avoid the meds and near death "research." Your first born comes to you and shares as you have. What would you advise this child do to turn their life around? What do you think is THE most important thing for this child to know?
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