I'm afraid I've lost the battle, my friends, for real this time.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Brandon Kwon, Apr 14, 2016.

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  1. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    After a particularly traumatic day today, I've declared for the last time that I've lost my battle with depression. I'm sorry that I have failed you all. My mind does not want to get better, it has decayed and broken to a point where recovery is simply impossible. My mind refuses treatment, it refuses anything short of a cure. I tried to fight it, but in the end, the depression won. Perhaps I just looked for treatment too late. My mind is so broken at this point that I'm a danger to people around me. I've considered terrible things today, things I don't want to speak about to anyone for you all would see me as a monster if I did.

    I do not know if I will commit suicide or if I will simply let my mind and body decay until I just die, but one thing is for certain, there is only one cure for me, and that is to cease living.

    I'm going to immediately give my rebuttals to some of the posts I will immediately get. No, a psychiatrist will not help me, nor will a hospital. I will simply toss aside the advice they give me and go on with my misery. It is how my mind is now, refusing treatment, only accepting a cure which does not exist.

    I can not be happy, it is a simple impossibility. Life is not worth living. At least...Mine isn't.

    Thank you all for trying to help me, I am sorry I could not be helped, and that I failed you all.
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I am sorry to read this but I guess nobody can help you if you do not wish to be helped. I do hope that you change your mind at some point and see that doctors, meds and therapy most likely will help you given time.
  3. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    Thank you.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps I just looked for treatment too late. It is never too late to get treatment never and if your treatment is not working then you need to try different treatment be it meds or therapy your choice It is your mind your depression telling you things are hopeless but they are not just you see it that way Hopefully tomorrow you will see things differently as with depression things can seem so dark at times but then some light comes in and there is hope again. Keep fighting ok keep reaching out for help it is there for you if you choose to take it
  5. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    But there is literally no therapy or medication for someone that just does not want help, like butterfly said, no one can help me if I don't want help.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    If you refuse to get help then obviously no one can help you. I too hope you change your mind and seek help *hugs*
  7. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    I used to get caught up in the drama of the void (like you are now). Every day I wondered-will this be the day when I snap and give up. Then I decided to turn off the voices in my head and try silence for a while. It was much harder than the drama of the void. I had to be ten times braver to sit in the silence than I'd ever been staring into the void. There comes a point where there are no more words to say-there is only silence, then suddenly you hear a voice and its not yours.
    Brian777 likes this.
  8. Ant

    Ant New Member

    *sends a mug of hot chocolate, three cute kittens, and a hug*
  9. unnamedfeeling

    unnamedfeeling Active Member

    Remember that as long as you stick with life you still have a choice... Once you're dead you're dead, there's no changing your mind, till then you can do whatever you want.
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