I'm afraid to die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ryanglander, May 3, 2009.

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  1. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    I have the means to kill myself, and the only thing holding me back is fear of the unknown. How do people cope with this? Eventually I will have a bad enough day that the investment into my suicide machine will pay off, but I'd rather just kill myself now...

    Would drugging up on alcohol help much? I would have to have enough consciosness to "start" the suicide machine. What if I get some sleeping pills prescribed by my docotor? I have lorazepam and I took like 3 mg and I started the machine, but stopped it as I started to hyperventalite and was in complete terror. And even with myself drugged up on the anti-anxiety pills I was still crying hysterically alone in my house. It took me like an hour to calm down. Eventually I had to hide my suicide machine.

    Its summer now. My last exam is on Wednessday, and I know I can't do another school year. I can't do anything, I can't even exercise or I get filled with rage and hate and eventually get so upset my suicidal feelings just increase.

    I don't have anything to look forward to but abuse and fights from family members. I'm afraid to go live alone. I'm already so damn depressed. What can I do...
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What is it that you're so angry at? Maybe venting how you feel might help ease some of the rage?

    Here if you want to talk. You can PM me if you want to.
  3. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    I can't PM, I have limited account abilities. I'm mad at my family, mostly about how they were really nasty when my dad was sick. Also because I see they don't really care about me, you know many of them would be happy if I killed myself. I just can't take this anymore. I can't take it anymore. I'm giving up.
  4. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    This is a pro-life site. maybe you can talk to a school councilor.
  5. Mitternacht

    Mitternacht Member

    In a way i feel the same way as you... I'm afraid dying and the unknown but i came to this site for support from other people that are going through the same things. If you need someone to talk to pm me. I will help no matter how long it takes.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Sorry, didn't realize you couldn't PM. I'll just post an email address.


    You can mail me there if you want to talk. Please don't hurt yourself!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2009
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