I've been thinking killing myself and wanting to die since I was 13(22 now). I've been diagnosed with bipolar II and MDD. I have been to the hospital 3 times in the last three months. I never stopped thinking of killing myself even on the meds. The thoughts just come whenever. Not just when im depressed. Their is no feeling that will pass. But I want to donate my organs. I want to go as painless as possible. I have told my therapist about my thoughts but not the severity of them. My mom knows something is wrong but I wont tell her. As my feelings get stronger, I try to balance them out(Thats why I am reaching out online to help counter balance the desire of death). I don't want to call the hotline because they will send me to the hospital. I'm just getting more comfortable with death as my only option.