So I have plans to take my life but recently my father left a voice mail for my mother. I live at home with her and she told me that he said that I told him she was abusive towards me. Even though I specifically said, YEARS AGO she used to be verbally abusive for understandable reasons (long story) but she's her old self again and I love it. I love her with all of my heart. I HATE, absolutely hate to the point of nearly throwing up every time I think about it, that my dad would make her feel as if...she's said to me has made me feel so depressed. Especially since it's my DAD I can't stand. I'll never use the word hate, but I do not like him at all. Not even a little bit. Don't feel like getting into why. I'm Afraid that after I commit suicide, she'll replay what my dad said to her in her head and believe it when it isn't true at all. Worse yet, I'm Afraid my Dad will blame her when he's been one of the MAIN reasons why I am taking my life. If my parents point fingers, which is very likely because they have a rocky past when dealing with one another, I want to be sure that my Dad will not make her feel bad because of my suicide, make her feel as if it's somehow her fault. I do not want her to go through that pain. I'm thinking about pushing back the date, extending it to a later date just so I can have more time to convince her that she is not the cause of my depression or why I'm doing this. Maybe I should just write a bunch of letters in my own hand-writing and saved on my computer as back-up. I don't know. I'm just very paranoid my Dad is going to blame her. God, I can't stand him.