I'm all alone and only have one friend in this world but she is getting married and has little or no time left for me. I think I like her but honestly i know I need a friend at least. She is the nicest person I have met in years but now I feel she is turning her back on me. I have a hard time making friends because it is hard for me to trust or love anyone. I have had horrible things go on my life that make me sometimes even cry while I'm a sleep. I never cry when I'm awake despite all the not bad but horrible things that have gone on in my life. I have down a lot of therapy and tried medication before but nothing changes the fact I don't trust or love anyone. My parents you would think would be a big help but they have been nothing but controlling, abusive or neglectful in my life. I don't want to be alone but every friend in the end like this friend now is hurting me more in the end. I don't want to be alone again in this world with no more. Maybe I was never meant to be loved? However all I ever wanted was someone to truly love me and not use me or abuse me. God seems to put nails in my coffin all the time. Like today when I was already feeling down about loosing my best friend, my abusive ex-girlfriend has been coming trying to be a friend again with me. I know she just wants my money and help. I had to tell her some thing hurtful to make her leave. I don't want people in my life that will hurt me. I hope my friend can be there for me again. I don't want to be alone no more for it's a fate worse than death.