I tried posting here a few months back while I was just looking for some company as I counted down my days. I ended up not doing anything. But, as sure as the sun rises, my life condition again catches up with me. I just cannot overcome my failures, my faults, my weaknesses. It is a Darwinian world out there... survival of the fittest. And, I'm just nowhere in that fittest category. I just get older, chubbier, and more and more alone and isolated. 45 years is really long enough. Enough misery. Enough rejection. Enough solitude. There is so much out in the world I just would have loved to have.. family, children, peace of mind, backyard barbecues, the list goes on and one. But, I just can't. I just don't belong. I just wasn't born to be one of the smart/beautiful/wealthy people who can have happiness for the taking. I'm not fighting it anymore. All my resisting just made things tougher. I should have just accepted my futile condition years ago. No more therapy; it doesn't work for me. No more anti-depressants; I'm immune to them all by now. It's time to check out. This time around, I have my list, and I'm getting my affairs in order. It will be a few days, but I do feel the need to plan things out. I kind of chuckle when I think that the only one who would even be upset is my employer... one less person to go out and make more and more money for them. At least I can stick it to them like they stuck it to me for the last 15 years and just sucked every last remnant of life right out of my soul. Greedy fucking bastards... if there's a hell, they'll be in it. Well at any rate, I'm at peace. I'm even a little happier right now... the suffering is ending soon. Maybe my posts can be saved or something after I'm gone... some indication perhaps that I did try to live on this earth. Or maybe not. Oh well. I'm happy and will be at peace soon.