I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by riz, Nov 18, 2007.

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  1. riz

    riz Senior Member

    If you can't tell by my thread title, I have a flair for the dramatic. Except with my suicidal thoughts. No one in my life knows how close I've been to the edge. I wonder what people would do with the burdens I've been forced to carry.

    I've been screaming for help all this time, yet there is a big part of me that doesn't want it. I just want perfection. I'm fat, so I'm waiting for some magical being to make me beautiful. I'm not talented in anything, so I'm waiting for something to come along and change that. I'm lonely, so I'm waiting for my knight to sweep me off my feet.

    I guess it's my fault really. I want everything that I don't deserve. Somehow I wish that everything will work out, when I'm pretty sure they won't. It's hopeless, I know. I'm living for the impossible.

    I bet I don't make any sense. I'm sorry to anyone that wasted their time reading that. I don't deserve it.

  2. klintmad

    klintmad Active Member

  3. riz

    riz Senior Member

    Thank you for your kind words, but I've gone down that road before. I'm an athiest and for me, God hasn't been there since the beginning.

    You're support means more to me than He ever will.
  4. $MyName

    $MyName Well-Known Member

    Time to make some changes then Riz :)

    Try learning some new things? Maybe you'll find or make some talent? Do your best to lose some weight if it's a problem to you. Don't wait for someone to come make everything right either, it won't happen, you have to make yourself happy :)
  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i agree with $ riz, maybe its time for you to do something to help yourself hun, there are many ways to meet new ppl so your not lonely and as for being, in your own words, fat then believe me being fat doesnt make you ugly, i know some very beautiful large ladies and they are not just beautiful in looks.
    and they have the best fun.

    stay safe and take care hun
  6. klintmad

    klintmad Active Member

    Hi riz? you know why you are feeling like that? Because you are misdirected by your own understanding. Open your mind to a change. You know? I was an atheist before, I hate God for what he did to my life that I was almost going to end up my life but some friends of mine help me to recover. They pushed me to pray with God. You know what, your enthusiasm decreased simply because nobody gave you to boost yourself. I am not saying that don't be an atheist here but even in this land, we have to follow some rules, if you don't do that you will become a sinner.I don't know if you will understand this.

    edited about self esteem
    personal words.
  7. Don't force your belief on others. riz most certainly will not be a sinner if she doesn't 'follow the rules'.

    riz: got a quick hug to offer right now, and will answer to your thread properly in a little while.
  8. klintmad

    klintmad Active Member

    Hi! winning writer. You're really a good adviser huh? Anyway Riz, It's still up to you. What I am trying to say is that you need someone who is very powerful that will shut your problem ryt away. I know even Allah,or any Gods in our faith is the basic tool to overcome this all. Sorry you're not a sinner Riz, I thought you're a Christian before.
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Riz, God, Allah whoever. It doesn't matter who you do or don't believe in if you don't believe in yourself first. Don't base who you are on what some of society thinks is the norm. You are who you are. Fat, skinny, disabled, scarred etc. It is what you are on the inside that shows your real beauty. You sound like you have a gentle soul and a big heart. That is true beauty. You show courage to come here and post your inner feelings. You have the talent of being able to say what you feel. And you have strength to be able to survive each day with the burdens and pains you carry. And if you are here, you are never alone. There are so many beautiful people here that want to help if they can or at least listen to you. You need to take some serious quality time for yourself and don't put so much value on the "norms" of society. Be happy with who you are and can be if you give yourself a chance.
  10. Sashi0

    Sashi0 Well-Known Member

    wow your post basically sounds like you are speaking my thoughts. As though you are reading my mind and speaking it for me. :hug: you're not alone.
  11. riz

    riz Senior Member

    I would just like to thank klintmad for trying, but religion is not the answer I'm looking for. I'm not sure what would, but it's the last thing on my mind.

    And thank you everyone else for your kind words. Sometimes, they are all I have to cling to.
  12. Putting on a facade (no pun intended) will help no one. By deluding your friends and family into believing that you are happy and healthy, you are only confusing yourself. This used to happen to me--I exhibited a perfectly normal demeanor in social settings, which sometimes led me to think that I didn't need help. This rejection only further debilitated me by delaying the onset of proper treatment.

    Being overweight is not a death sentence--you could change your physique within months, albeit with some difficulty. Also, you could easily develop a talent simply by practicing it. Just choose a hobby that intrigues you and envelop yourself in it.

    Lastly, perfection is trivial. Though it can be attainable by tremendously good luck, it is known only to a handful of people. Even when you do achieve "perfection," you will instinctively want to better yourself even further.

    For example, the first IQ test I took produced rather "low" results (135). I yearned with all my waking days that my true intelligence lie somewhere in the 140s. Then, when I took my second IQ test (for ADHD), I scored 152. Had I attained perfection? No. This time, I raised the bar to 160, still unsatisfied with my new IQ score. Thus, though my initial goals were met and surpassed, my self-esteem had not changed one bit.

    Everything you just posted can be changed. Your physical appearance can be altered by a combination of a good diet and adequate exercise. Your current mentality can be changed by embracing who you are and disregarding who you think you should be. I wish you the best of luck.
  13. Jack88

    Jack88 Guest

    I don't like it when people tell suicidal people to pray to god. They want help on Earth now, something an imaginary diety cannot provide other than in a placebo sense. I was indoctrinated into religion (christianity) during one of my most vunerable times (as a child) and there was a point where I had a tested 142 IQ. You wouldn't think it now, my mind has become so battered from the delusional state I was living in so long and I was so worried about avoiding hell I never went out and made friends or anything because everything is a sin.

    Please think, just because 'god' works for you it could be causing more harm than good and people in their most desperate hour don't need false hope.
  14. riz

    riz Senior Member

    Thank you Jack.

    I'm sorry, But I'm 20 years old. I've been through religion when I was little, and it NEVER did anything for me. I'm a very proud Atheist, and I think I'm doing just fine.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with someone suggesting a path with God or even to quote bible verses. But after the first refusal for that kind of advice, it really becomes all about them.

    Thank you all for your suggestions. I'm actually doing much better today.
  15. alwaysincrisis

    alwaysincrisis Well-Known Member

    You're so brave riz! I have had to overcome negative self-image and self-loathing and it can improve
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