I'm all out of reasons for me to live.

[HeroWho]

And there clearly isn't ever going to be going by how my life is going now. Optimism won't help me. Any dream or hope I have will be crushed, just like how they always have been ever since I was only 6. I don't even have high expectations of life. I would love to settle for an average life with a good balance between success and failure, but that isn't going to happen with my life and mental state becoming increasingly worse. I originally planned on killing myself once I turned 18, but I don't think that can wait. I want my emotions to shut up. Each and every one of them are screaming like a horribly tone deaf preschool choir. I need to blast my head in.

</vent>

 

[itmahanh]

You're still so young. You DO have a whole future ahead of you. If you reach out and get help now, you can have that balance you want and need. And you can possibly have your mental health issues taken care of or atleast learn how to cope with them. Do you get any professional help with your mental health issues? Are you taking any meds? Have you spoken to anyone that you trust, like a good friend or a parent or sibling? Have you looked into any resources that are available where you live? There is so much that can help you and help you get the things you want and expect from life. Keep posting, get it out. And let members here help you through this spot you are in right now :arms:

 

[Daphna]

Life as a teenager.. ahh.. the memories. There is one thing I hate to admit, but I have to and it is that we do not know it all even though we like to flatter ourselves into thinking we do. You are so young and life is not like high school lemme tell you. There are some people stuck there in their minds, but it is not truly like high school. Your giving up really without even a tiny taste of what life has to offer. I won't lie to you; life is full of trials and errors, but the great thing is that we learn from them if we have the right attitude. If you give up at such a young age you are really robbing yourself and all the people you have yet to meet in life. For instance your future spouce, you future children, your family [if you do not have a great relationship with them now doesn't mean it'll be like that forever]. People really do not realize how many lives they do touch on a daily basis just by being there. And if you were to go with your plans you would miss out on the greatest experiences you have yet to live through.
I made a lot of dumb choices as a kid and even young adult. Man was I an idiot! But I learned from them, and I matured into who I am now. No one expects you to get everything right away. There is no set age that we figure it all out at one. It takes time, and time takes life. So you would have to be alive to have enough time to figure it all out. I hope you do, because I know the impact you can make is an important one to someone. Blessings..

 

[may71]

I don't think there is a guarantee that you will get better, but I think that there is a really good chance that you can get better.

Can you give a run-down of what you've tried to do to get better, the results, and the reason why you are feeling this way in the first place?

 

[HeroWho]

Do you get any professional help with your mental health issues?
I don't know. I'm sort of paranoid about it.

Are you taking any meds?
Nope. I don't feel like opening to my parents. Maybe later when I can get them myself.

Have you spoken to anyone that you trust, like a good friend or a parent or sibling?
Yes. I've spoken to a couple of people about it briefly and they say I really need help. I don't really like talking about my problems, though.

Have you looked into any resources that are available where you live?
No, but I can.

I made a lot of dumb choices as a kid and even young adult. Man was I an idiot! But I learned from them, and I matured into who I am now. No one expects you to get everything right away. There is no set age that we figure it all out at one. It takes time, and time takes life. So you would have to be alive to have enough time to figure it all out. I hope you do, because I know the impact you can make is an important one to someone. Blessings..
That cheered me up a little. Thanks.

Can you give a run-down of what you've tried to do to get better, the results, and the reason why you are feeling this way in the first place?
I haven't really tried to get better. I mean, I've tried as best as I can to be happy without the use of drugs or therapy, but that isn't working. Drugs and therapy are impossible until I move out and/or turn 18 where I can visit a doctor without my parents knowing. And the reason? I don't really know where to start, but I'm pretty sure my mind doesn't work correctly.

 

[solutions]

You said you "don't feel" like asking your parents about professional help. Whatever, that's your call. So long as you're not critically ill, you can do without professional help for the time being. You don't sound acutely suicidal. If you do have an underlying mental illness, though, you're gonna end up with it, anyway.

Is there anything in particular that's hurting you right now?

 

[may71]

probably if you got therapy and meds things would get better for you

do you want to talk more about why your parents can't know? parents are often a big part of why people are suicidal in the first place, so I understand if that is the case.

if your parents are abusive, could you live with a relative that you trust? grandparent, aunt?

you might be able to get treatment without your parents knowing. I don't know the details about this though. maybe a crisis line would have more info.