and really need to get it together. every time i try something i feel i am not good enough, i want to become a air flight controller, but im afraid my credentials are not good enough. i want to get into economy study, but apparantly its a special study that you need to sign in earlier than normal so im too late for my favorite study, and even if i do hit it ill be 27 while normally i would have been 24 when i would be done with my master. it all just feels too little too late. and its not just the carreer part that is down the drain, my everyday life has evolved into the same boring routine, from having fun being around people and being fun to be with i stopped caring and just retreated as much as i can and i dont feel in tune with myself anymore. everybody is leaving me if i havent left them already. you know that from elder times were supposed to live in a tribe. well ive been abolished from mine and cant find a tribe to hang around with that will be able to replace it. and just in these times of need there is nobody who i can talk with, im thinking about drastic stuff. i have to. i have nothing left to lose anyway, is it time to bring out the big guns?