I'm all wrong, torn and messed up...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by dying_inside, Nov 12, 2015.

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  1. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    My mind is twisting and swirling with no rest. These continuous "flashes" of self destruction make living easier and harder at the same time.
    I have already tried every possibile help available but nothing helps. Nothing works. I dont know what to do anymore. What do i do with myself? Not even sure i'm real, my feelings are real, my thoughts are real... Do i even exist?
    Im afraid of doing something bad, losing that bit of control remained and losing my mind. I dont want that.
    I am very and seriously wrong inside with no hope. Lost, confused, in pain, horrendously disturbing inside. I cannot even describe it. Just this feeling of being unhelpably wrong, bad, hopeless. Hurting and hurtful for everyone. I cant stand myself, life, nothing anymore...
    Please some support... Please.
     
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I am sorry, dying inside, I just saw this post for the first time, I do not see you on line right now! None the less, when you get back on you can send me a pm, I will answer you as soon as I see it!. I am sorry it was not answered earlier!
    I have never spoken to you before but I don't think that matters, I will help you in any way that i am able! I want to assure you that yes, you are real! so yes you do exist. I hope that you will not take any irreversible action soon Please hold on, whatever you are dealing with is clouding your judgement and having a bad effect on you! I have been where you are, lost no hope no future and yes in Pain as well, I am sorry, I wish I could help you right now but I cannot, I will have to await your return! please try to remain calm until someone responds, take a few deep breaths and try to slow your breathing down, some one will help you I am sure!
     
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  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Like True Lee, I have never spoken to you. I know you are hurting a lot but YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Please do not think you are alone in struggling here. All of us who use this forum, suffer pain like you but we want to help. Yes, life can be a struggle but you overcome any sadness you feel. You might hurt people but that's understandable given the state you are in.

    Please reframe from doing anything as we care what about you. The next 48 hours are crucial and I will do my best to help get through this 48 hours. Please PM me direct but please be patient as I will reply. Be strong my friend and take this virtual hand I offer to help you through this crisis. Be safe and strong.
     
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  4. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Thank you both.
    im not at immediate "danger", even though it felt like that yesterday.
    i mean, the plan is that, but what im afraid of, is going crazy before i get to do it my way (still researching the best way) and being stopped somehow.
    im such a good pretender. but when i feel like my mask is falling, i panic because im afraid of consequences. i feel like im going crazy in my head and i will "ask for help" in the wrong way and this HAS NOT TO HAPPEN IN ANY WAY. - not IRL.
    thats why i came here.
    sorry for being so selfish, i swear i try to help people IRL, but dont have much time to stay on the pc trying to support people here too. sorry for coming here only for me.
    thanks for your support. knowing someone knows and gets my pain is helping a lot already. thank you a lot.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2015
  5. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    dying inside, you are welcome here any time. you do not need to help unless you want,or have the time, we are here for you!
    I do not feel that you are selfish, you do not need any reason but your own for coming here, this room is yours as well, I hope that you feel better, You are welcome to stay or go as you wish, I and everyone here wishes for you to feel better! Come any time, stay as long as you wish! I am glad that weere able to assist you! I wish the best for you! Stay Safe and Healthy!
     
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  6. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Im laying down, curled up under my office desk.... i have nowhere to go, nobody to turn to, just running out of coping strategies...
     
  7. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    You have some one to turn to, right now right here, you have turned to us, we are here for you, someone that knows an has coping strategies , I know and believe we have several here that can and will do that, after all you are one of us! We care, we will do our best to support you and offer to help when and where we can! come on out from under that desk I did not know you were there, when you are ready!
     
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  8. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Thanks. i actually slept there for a while, not caring if anyone could come and see me (while i was supposed to work). i didnt have the strength to move a single finger. i woke up feeling a little better. left, came home, ate something, and now i'll go back to bed. im exhausted.

    i feel like.... you know when in movies there are these characters that for some reason they fade/blur? like... they come and go with their body and existence from reality and visibility to others? like when you are and are not, come and go from being there and not being there? i feel like that. half existing and half not and when i AM here there is only a huge mess inside. painful for me, for others.... just...

    WRONG, TORN AND MESSED UP.

    thanks for listening. i feel guilty for this too. sorry.
     
  9. Kamilla

    Kamilla Member

    I struggle with feeling hopeless and have for years. Do something to get your mind off if it. Listen to music, take a walk, anything.
     
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  10. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, Kamilla you are right. Occupying your mind helps you to overcome any downward spiral feelings you have. The strategy is to keep occupied and keeping busy.
     
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  11. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Thanks, but i work 3 "jobs", dont have much time to think or feel... But when i do its like my mind and feelings are wired to go there... And even when im busy with something else i have these violent flashes against myself reminding me whats really going on inside of me... I do not call for them, i do not do anything for them to appear in my mind, they are not triggered by anything.... I could be laughing and suddenly have them.... Out of the blue... Its exhausting.

    And tonight i was actually going to post again to say... I cant take it anymore.
    Today has been HARD, a real unexpected emotional roller coaster... I even got good news (some days off from job1 at least, to rest and relax a bit which made me HAPPY) BUT now, right now, in bed, trying to sleep i keep wondering how am i going to get up tomorrow and LIVE and fake and go through the day... I dont want that. I really dont. I'm sick and fed up of everything.

    Still have a few things to fix and get ready and then i'm done. I dont know what to do anymore and i dont even want to at this point. I feel exhausted and broken beyond repair. Too wrong and already dead... Sorry for existing... Would like to cry but i'm unable to do even that....
     
  12. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, dying_inside, Like you everyday is hard for me and it's a roller coaster of emotion. Yes, like you I put on a false face and cry inside myself. But life is important and try to make the best of the situation and whatever life throws at us. Please do not be sorry for existing as you are a individual put on this earth to live for. We all struggle but life is for living for. Please do not think you have nothing else but I do care about you and I implore that do not think about anything. I saddened by you plight in you think no one care. We all care about YOU and just think I sit here posting this message and worry that you that feel the way you do.

    Yes, you may see people happy in front of you on a daily basis but sometimes you need to take a step back and think are they really happy. Many people put on a facade on in order to hide their true feelings. You need to continue living and posting here. Please , please abandon anything you are planning as YOU ARE IMPORTANT and this is reflected in these posts of support you have received so far. Please keep posting and live your life, even on a day by day basis. You may see darkness now but stay strong and the light will rekindle eventually.

    Take care my friend and be safe.
     
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  13. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much Unknown111 for taking the time to answer and for the nice message. its heartwarming.
    still though, i feel so very sad and without energies today. cant believe another day is starting and i have no idea on how to cope with it. but maybe since i feel so low in energy, i'll just let it flow on me. i hope the rest of the world will let me do that. let it flow. i dont want to do anything or see anyone or talk with anyone, except this post maybe. im SO tired....
    anyway, thanks and wish everyone a good day.
     
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