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Im Almost there...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by dark&lone, Aug 4, 2010.

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  1. dark&lone

    dark&lone Well-Known Member

    I am at breaking point... I cant give a fuck about any of this anymore.. I just cant do this. I cant stop crying, I cant stop cutting. Im really craving a drink righ now. I cant phone anyone. I dont want to phone anyone because Im sick of getting told that I am only wanting to top meself for attention otherwise I would just do it so fuck it... Ive got my way... Ive had enough now. These thoughts are stopping tonight.

    When I take my last breath.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Hi Zoe,

    I'm so sorry that the times you reached out for help you were told those things. That doesn't help any situation and I'm sorry people have let you down like that.

    Has anything happened to make things especially hard right now?

    Please keep talking to us. Contrary to what you have been told before, we want to talk to you and are very glad you reached out.
  3. unidentifiable

    unidentifiable Well-Known Member

    no, no, NO, please don't kill yourself. i know how you're feeling. believe me, i've going through it plenty of times... but you just can't let those thoughts win. and i DO NOT think you are doing this for attention. so, just, take a step back and tell yourself you're not going to do it tonight. that you'll wait, til, say, next week or something. it's the same thing with cutting. sometimes, when i get the urge to cut really badly, i imagine that the body part i'm going to cut on is actually my best friend. i wouldn't be able to hurt her, so i don't cut. find ways to stop yourself. i know that you are probably desperate right now and don't know where to turn and you feel like there's so much shit going on in your head that you just can't take it anymore... but you can get rid of those thoughts... or, at least, stop them from being so overwhelming. talk to someone. talk to someone here on the site. talk to your family? friends? if you want to, you can talk to me,just message me, but you're probably reading this going "this is a bunch of bull shit. i don't care what the fuck this chick is saying, i'm going to do it!!" well, if you didn't want someone to try and stop you... why did you post this???

    i care about you... please don't do it...
    i'm here if you need me...

  4. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    Hi Zoe don't do it, things always seem worse when your feeling like that, pick a day next week or something and give your self some time to reflect. I would be more than happy to listen.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Zoe, I'm really sorry you're feeling this way :(

    Did something happen today to make this happen? Drinking isn't the best idea, chances are it will make you feel even worse.

    Those people don't understand, :(

    You could call the samaritans;

    UK: 08457 90 90 90
    ROI: 1850 60 90 90

    Not sure where you're located but you can also call someone through befrienders , I think they now cover most countries :)


    Keep talking to us :hug:
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please don't hurt yourself Zoe. :hug:
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    How are you doing Zoe?
  8. dark&lone

    dark&lone Well-Known Member

    I feel like shit at the moment. I asked for help from a member of staff who works at the half way house, and I had to go see a pdoc. last night to be risked assessed. In the mean time, my flat had to be searched and they've taken all my blades and knives and my "medication" which I was just stock piling (sorry if this is classed as method). I feel like crap because like Sydney had said obvously I dont want to do it, but I jsut couldnt take the thoughts anymore, I still cant handle them. I have so much in life that is going good, yet these thoughts drag me down and destroy me every single night.
    They've put me on different medication to try and stabalise me, but I hate relying on meds to keep me"normal" I mean I want to get better but Im sure just getting a decent psyc. instead of the half wits Ive seen in the past should help.. I dunno Im running out of options here. They were going to section me again, but I agreed that I cant do anything with everything been taken so I wouldnt do anything. I still managed to self harm, but only to calm me down. I am still sober as well which is a good thing!
    Thanks for all the help and support at lease I know I get it in cyberworld.. if it is only the one world that I get it its better then nothing...
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm so, so impressed that you asked for support. I would presume you probably feel pretty violated by them for searching your room and removing things, but I do think they did the right thing, as did you by being honest. I know you probably can't feel this way, but I think you should be proud of yourself for being honest.

    Well done for staying sober!

    Sometimes people need medication to help them live, and that's ok. It's no different from someone diabetic or epileptic needing medication to hel them function successfully. I hope the new meds work and do help stabilise you.
  10. dark&lone

    dark&lone Well-Known Member

    Thanks Scum that helped alot, yeah I do feel pretty violated at the moment, and to top of my day I saw my pscy. today and they have decided to pull out as well as the Alcohol && Drug service that I also see. I had the meeting today, so Im pretty much damned now. They feel they cant help me anymore, so they diagnosed me last week and ditching me this week, the mental health team over here are shit anyways, and it is typical of them to do that. They are only wanting to see statistics of how brilliant they are of "fixing" people, and the ones who slip and struggle dont want to be known. I struggled alot with my thoughts again today, but i actually just went and sat in a church (Im not religious) but prayed. I did pray for me to die and to let me just take my last breath yet i felt a sense of relief just asking for that and it calmed me down alot.
    I am trying to keep it all cool at the moment so for now its ok I think.
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