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I'm already dead inside

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LosingMyGrip, Jun 18, 2008.

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  1. LosingMyGrip

    LosingMyGrip Member

    I feel like there is just nothing. It's almost a relief to feel this way. Today I have been very analytically thinking about how to do it. Permanently. Quickly. As painlessly as possible.

    I've been somehow dragging myself to work, still, although I have been spending a lot of my time in my car in the parking garage while I'm here....and I look around and I see other people going about their business, going about their lives, and I think....I'm already dead. I wonder, how can they be happy? What are they going home to that makes life worth it for them? Why can't I feel any of the things that normal people must feel that makes life worth living?

    I don't have the energy anymore. I can't worry about it. The non-stop thoughts about how to die, wanting to die, ways to kill myself either actively or passively, are overwhelming my brain. If I listen to my headphones with the music loud enough I can drown them out for a bit, but it's temporary. I only want to listen to depressing music about death and dying or failure or hurting.....

    Killing the body should be so easy when the mind is already gone. I hope so.



  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Loosingmygrip,
    I to think about death constantly. But I have a better insight into my situation. I isolate 24/7. No contact with the outer world, except for my doc, & my therapist. The rest of the time I am by myself.
    It sounds like you get this way when you are alone, the rest of the time you can work, get around out in public, Do you have any friends you can go out with? Take yourself to a nice restaurant and get a window seat. Just watch the people as they walk by. Eventually it will dawn on you that they are in there own little worlds.
    Everyone in my family ask me how can I stay like that, and I give them the same awnser I don't trust people. I have gotten to the point I start freaking out when I have to be around someone. When I am up at my brothr's house and he has people over I lock my self in the bedroom.
    Please don't do anything rash. If you find you are going down that path either contact us or if it is really bad call an ambulance and go to the hospital. Stay Safe...:chopper:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Loosing My Grip...the constant thought of su is as much a debilitator as the depression...have you discussed how you feel with anyone? it is almost incredible to believe, but there ways to get from being on the edge to being in life...there is no magic pill, but there are ways...please PM me if you would like to chat about this more...all the best, J
  4. sunny

    sunny Member


    I was reading your post and it was almost spooky because I have been feeling the exact same way. All I can say is that I dont think others are so happy that they go about their business without any cares, I think alot of people seem to be able to just brush it away constantly and find the pleasure in the little things. I think that for some though, the little things just dont seem enough on some days and thats when things spiral out of all control. At the moment Im living from day to day hoping that the little things will be enough to see me through to the days when I dont fixate on my own demise, feel an ache inside myself and feel like an empty shell. I know it may not mean much now, it doesnt to me when my therapists tell me i can feel better, they dont have to feel like this, but im hanging in there on the theory that all these people must be on to something. I hope you do to. What have we got lose? sorry for rambling on.

    take care
  5. Kimi

    Kimi Well-Known Member


    The word "I'm already dead inside" is what I repeat in my head all day. I have been always taking own life in my head all day.. I always imagine the last day of my life... I'm dead so many times in my head.. My soul has been thrown myself in to a train, the river, jumped off from the building, hanged myself and etc.. I have dead numerous times in my head...

    I'm the same, I don't want to go to work but I drag myself to get to work...hard..

    I have thought about what method is the best.. But I found out that I will have to struggle until my life is end... I accept this...

    I'm really sorry about talking about myself.

    What has made you feel like this? When you come to this site, do you feel a little difference?

    How was your day today?
  6. LosingMyGrip

    LosingMyGrip Member

    Sorry about leaving everyone hanging. I ended up going to the hospital on Thursday after this guy at my work's FASAP office suggested that I take a medical leave -- only it turned out it wasn't a suggestion and then I felt about 100 times more trapped than I already did.

    So, here I am at the hospital, and it remains to be seen if this will help. I'll try to post now and then and let people know.

    Thank you all so much for all of your thoughts and prayers and hugs. It really is helpful to hear about other people because then at least you don't feel so alone in this.

    (((((((HUGS))))))) to all

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