I'm always doing the wrong thing, am I too sensitive?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by TheBLA, Aug 30, 2009.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I have been told by my dad at least that I am far too sensitive to what other people say, that I take things too seriously, too personally. I feel that its because of my weak, miserable condition compared to all the other normal, happy people, such as having no friends, girlfriends, being depressed, etc. I can't take much criticism as I get very down and depressed.

    For instance, one of my cousins told me a while ago that the only people in my cell phone's contact list are my mom and my dad and that is pretty much true, sad huh? Well, even if its true, that comment really hurt me and I've resolved to see him or talk to him as little as possible, I'd prefer never to see him again or his other two younger brothers, also my cousins. Yet they still want to hang out with me, they know how much they hurt me, they don't think my life is incredibly messed up. I told my dad about this and then he stupidly told my cousin that what he said hurt my feelings and so he then called me a "******". I really felt like punching him right in the face then.

    I just went to a party and the youngest cousin wanted me to play pool with him and my younger brother and I refused to come and my cousin was probably puzzled and a bit hurt. My younger brother played pool with him and he isn't that good and told me our cousin mocked him and cracked jokes at him about it. And like a normal person, he just laughed about it and shrugged it off. I know that I'm worse at pool than my brother and my cousin would inevitably make fun of me. I would be deeply hurt and offended and tell him to fuck off and never speak with him again.

    But at this rate, I will never have friends and be lonely and miserable for my entire life as my mom just yelled at me about this a few minutes ago. I guess if my older cousin makes fun of me for being a loser and only having my mom and dad in my contact list, that I should fix that by making friends, instead of sulking and never speaking to my cousins again right? Maybe he wasn't being an asshole, but that I should have taken what he said as a wake-up call? I guess that is why my mom got upset with me, because I am making the wrong choice. What do you guys think? :eek:hmy:

    I know eventually as I start a job for instance and make more social contact, people will wonder why I am a freak, ask "Why don't you have a girlfriend yet", questions like that. And I will be hurt and not want to speak with them, even if they probably didn't mean malice by it.

    I'm going to India with my dad in December and I know my relatives will ask about me getting married, get an arranged marriage, etc. Maybe its my depression taking, but I strongly feel that I will never marry, no girl will want to marry a loser like me, I will be alone and probably commit suicide soon. So, I will get depressed, pissed off and maybe even snap back at them and they will wonder why I'm acting so strangely? Actually, I went to India last December and one of my aunts said that I should have a girlfriend, what's wrong with me? She didn't mean any malice, but I was pissed off and wanted to yell at her, insult her.

    I don't want to be the mat for everyone to walk on, even if I am, even if I am a loser who everyone can laugh at me. But I feel like I am always the bad guy, always making bad decisions, that I am a bad person. I feel really crappy right now. :sad:

    Sorry for this long post, I appreciate any answers and advice, thanks!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 30, 2009
  2. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    your problem doesn't stem from what others will think of you, i personally believe you have underlying self acceptance issues. if you love yourself it won't matter what others say to you or about you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 30, 2009
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    You are absolutely right. There is a small part of me which prides myself on being special and unique. I know that everyone of us is special and unique, but I am even more different than most other people, especially other Indians, I totally break the mold.

    But yet, I also desire very much to be "normal", even though that can be hard to define. Maybe because I have been surrounded by "normal" people my whole life, where I am expected to have a girlfriend, marry, have children. Those three things at least I feel I can never have. But do I REALLY want them, or do I want them just to be normal, to fit in? I don't know.

    I definitely have self-acceptance issues. I don't think I completely hate myself, but I do hate myself a lot, I wish I was different that what I am now. I am a loser, a freak of nature. I lack so many things that others my age have, I have been very sheltered and so messed up developmentally. But yet I also have some pride over who I am, being different from the majority, but maybe I am just fooling myself and trying not to get even more depressed.
     
  4. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    want whatever you want. you've been around this site for a long time and you're the one person time and time again i've never gotten a bad vibe from. you seem like a very genuine deserving person. you just need to put yourself out there, roll with the punches. it's hard and at first it will be nerve racking, but i think you'd be happy if you managed to do it. :)
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I've seen a lot of your posts, and I've always gotten the impression that you're a godo person. You shouldn't feel that you HAVE to do things a certain way because that's what seems normal. You have to figure out what you want and then go for it.

    I do know that what others say can hurt. If my cousin had said to me what your cousin said to you, I don't know if I could have just brushed it off. But maybe you can try to slowly expand your circle of friends, spend time with people that you connect with. Don't do it just because of what someone says though; do it only if that's what you WANT.

    *hugs* You seem like a pretty great person to me. I hope you don't end up committing suicide.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey there is no normal everyone has their own way to deal with emotional attacks. Even if you are overly sensitive lots of people are that way I am one of them. We are better for it because we in turn do not hurt others that way we are more compassionate more caring people. When someone hurts me like your cousins did to you i just don't let them see it because that is there way of getting a rise out of us. The are different getting cruel enjoyment out of hurting others. I tell myself all time smarten up tuffen up by why for who.. Be who you are and the hell with every one else take care enjoy your sensitivity as you are one of the kind people one who will heal others.
     
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Right now you are normal. Normal for what your world and enviroment has offered you hun. You live in a family where traditions and ethics are a very strong guideline for what parents and other family members expect of your life. So, you are just travelling a different path then the one they "think" is best for you. Only you can know what is truly best for you. And from what I have read of your posts and threads here, honoring your family is a priority for you. And doing what you want is very difficult because you dont want to worry or upset the others in your life.
    There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person. Hell the world could use a lot more of them. What makes it hard is that inevitably being sensitive you tend to hide your own feelings because you dont want to upset others with what you would really like to say. And you ( I suspect) have lived your life like that to this point. But now your depression is making your feelings more evident. Making you feel the right to be hurt by those words, no matter what or how they were intended. Unfortunately too many people speak before they think. "Why dont you have a girlfriend yet?" No thought, just old customs and ethics coming out. Is it really any concern of theirs if you have a girlfriend or not? Does it really matter if you have a girlfriend or not? Hun, you're still so young! Why is it so important to tie yourself down like that? Do YOU really want a girlfriend right now? With all the issues you are trying to deal with, do you need another one? So next time someone asks, just politely reply, " no, I dont really need one right now." Not being rude but rather honest.
    Your cousins being nosy about your contact list. Next time tell them, "I dont need a whole bunch of phone numbers to define who I am." Besides it has often been said that when you get one true friend then you are truly blessed. Do you really need 25 different phone numbers of people that usually only want to be there when you are up to going out to have a little fun? But wont answer the call when you really need someone to talk to or cry to? If it would help I"ll give you mine and see how many others you can get from around the globe, wow, impressive they'd all think (lol). But does it really make any difference to your situation or better you in anyway? You are blessed with many friends here. People that really understand your pain. Maybe we arent "there" but we are there when it counts.
    Right now you're life is difficult enough. You are young, trying to find your niche in this world. You only have your family to rely on. I think once you start to gain a little independence from them you will start to see things in a different light too. Be proud of being a sensitive person. Be proud of being unique in your family. Be proud of you. Once you can start feeling that way about yourself, others will follow hun.

    Hee hee, you give a long post you get a long post. Sorry us sensitive types sure arent afraid to be longwinded(lol).
     
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