I'm Amy...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by forgotten1, Apr 1, 2009.

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  1. forgotten1

    forgotten1 Member

    My depression started when I was 8. My Grandfather had passed away and it was my first experience with death. I wasn't very close with him, but his death shed new light on everything. That's it. He was gone forever.

    I wrote about death in my journal in 4th grade which was obviously not smart because my teacher found it and immediately called my mom for a conference. I was then taken to a therapist to discuss my feelings and work on my "anger problem". It didn't help anything.

    At 11, my mom attempted suicide and spent a lot of time in the hospital. We visited daily during the visiting time of 7-7:30. I hated that place because I blamed myself for her stress and unhappiness. I still do.

    I began cutting when I was 16 and began my first relationship with a boy I had known since childhood. Things were great at first. After a year, the violence started. I thought it was normal and blamed myself for his anger. We moved in together after graduation and I became pregnant soon after. The abuse never stopped.

    I tried to leave, but I would always come back. He had embedded in me that I would never find anyone else better than him. I believed him. We stayed together for 5 years. One night, after an argument, I took a handful of blood pressure pills (20) and anti-depressants (20) and downed a wine cooler. I knew it wouldn't kill me, but I hoped it would.

    I went to a psychiatrist a month later and was diagnosed with BP1, OCD, ADHD and anxiety. I have since stopped taking my meds since I believe nothing will ever help me.

    I developed a problem with pills and alcohol which I am still battling. I find it hard to deal with life without the help of something.

    I have left that relationship and I am now living alone with my son. My parents hate me because I am so emotionally unstable, and I'm spending my birthday alone today.

    I wonder sometimes if I would be missed.
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    Hello Amy :hug:

    Welcome to the forum

    I hope you find here some support but I am pretty sure you will!

    and happy birthday dear
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I have had many of the same problems, life experience and situations as you have and while I always thought my parents hated me, I came to find out that really they were just disappointed. You would be missed, as I also came to find out later when I started communicating some of my feelings.

    You should be able to find people with common experiences and issues here. I did and i hope you will. Stay and see!
    and...welcome to SF.
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hi Amy & welcome to SF.

    You sound like you've had a rough few years, I hope that you'll be able to find the support you need & want here.

    I'm around if you ever want to talk.

    :hug: Claire xx

    p.s. :birthday:
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. Sounds like you have been through quite a bit. I think you can safely say you would be missed if something were to happen to you. I hope we are able to show you that people do care. :hug:
  6. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    welcome x
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum :welcome:
  8. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums.

    I know it's late but Happy Birthday.
  9. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    (\o/) Welcome to SF!
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