I'm an addict.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sa Palomera, Jun 22, 2010.

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  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I hate admitting that, and I have spent the last weeks denying it, eventhough I've spent every single night drunk on my own, and even went to work under influence of alcohol three times last week.

    I decided last weekend, after having gone to work drunk and then getting the hang over while working, that I really need to quit drinking.
    So I decided that this monday I would start. Not a single drop.

    I couldn't go my life without any alcohol at all, so my goal is to eventually be able to enjoy a drink or two when going out or when i'm at a party or something, but right now I need to start with not drinking ANYTHING alcoholic AT ALL.

    This is something I've tried before. As I've been having issues with alcohol for years now, and it really started to rule my life by the end of 2006. I've tried stopping many a times. I managed to stay sober for 3 months once and for 1.5 month once. That's the longest I've gone sober all these years.

    For me, this is my last try on my own. This is it. Now or never. If I can't make it on my own (meaning without professional help) this time, I will not ever be able to do it without help.

    And thus hereby, I pledge that I will get professional help if I fail this time.
    I really don't want to do that, but I know I'll have to.

    Now let's see, yesterday I managed not to drink. My first day and I tell you, it was horribly hard. I knew it was going to be hard, but not that it would be THIS hard. I don't think I've had this much trouble with it on the first day, any of the times I tried quitting.
     
  2. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I am glad you are making such a positive desicion for yourself.

    I wish you all the best and happy to support you as much as possible :)

    Have you removed all alcohol from your home?
     
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    No I havn't removed all alcohol. I live in a student home so it's kind of impossible to remove all alcohol from the entire house, but I could remove al alcohol from my room.
    I haven't done that either, though. There's still three bottles of liquor standing on my desk, staring at me every evening, morning and even afternoon.
    Haven't touched it though. This is the 5th day. Hopefully I can do it.
     
  4. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I'm impressed you have not had any even though it's in front of you.

    I think you might be stronger then you give yourself credit for.

    Do you feel any better for it?
     
  5. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    That is actually why I leave it in my room. To prove to myself that I can do it, even when it's right there in front of me. Some say that is asking too much of myself, but I'm generally the all-or-nothing kind of person so I just have to be able to do it even when it's staring at me.
    It does make me feel just a tad prouder of myself than when the alcohol wouldn't be anywhere around.

    Because if there were no alcohol around I couldn't do it because I simply wouldn't have any alcohol. Now I know it's purely the will not to do it rather than not having the ability to do it cos there's nothing around.

    If that makes any sense at all. In my head it did :laugh:
     
  6. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    It made perfect sense to me. I don't know if that means we both understand crazy talk ;)

    Well, keep up the good work!
     
  7. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    Hey just like to say you are doing the best thing possible. Its weird I quit drinking on Monday too because I kept going in to work hungover and I was basically warned because they could see my performance was lacking I couldn't spend a night sober I always had to drink. It is a tough time but I am sure you can get through it just be strong and hang in there good luck dude.
     
  8. Concave

    Concave Active Member

    I need to stop drinking also. I've slowly developed into an alcoholic over the past 6 months. I've drank for years now, but since being on probation and not being able to smoke pot (I was a really bad pot head), my drinking has gone through the roof. All be it I'm a very functional alcoholic, and don't necessarily get wasted everyday; but its hard for me to not have at least a couple a beers a day. Sometimes those couple lead to 12. But when I go out to bars thats when it can get bad. I try not to drink/drive, but its almost impossible for me if I go out drinking. About 5 weeks ago I went out and had about 12 beers (5 were b/f I went out), and some friends bought me 3 jaegerbombs. I hadn't eaten a proper meal all day and had a nice 10 mile drive home. Well I make it home at 2:30 am, then decide to go back out on the streets. A cop saw me leaving my house and pulls me over about a 1/2 mile away. He said it was b/c I had kept my lights off until actually leaving my driveway. Well I didn't have my id on me, and my registration was expired... somehow Itold him I was drunk when he asked and he let me go. Didn't ask for my name or anything. I would have went to jail if I had my id, cause he would have seen that I was on probation. I told my self I would quit drinking and driving, but I've done it about 3 more times since then. Blah I'm an alcoholic
     
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