I hate admitting that, and I have spent the last weeks denying it, eventhough I've spent every single night drunk on my own, and even went to work under influence of alcohol three times last week. I decided last weekend, after having gone to work drunk and then getting the hang over while working, that I really need to quit drinking. So I decided that this monday I would start. Not a single drop. I couldn't go my life without any alcohol at all, so my goal is to eventually be able to enjoy a drink or two when going out or when i'm at a party or something, but right now I need to start with not drinking ANYTHING alcoholic AT ALL. This is something I've tried before. As I've been having issues with alcohol for years now, and it really started to rule my life by the end of 2006. I've tried stopping many a times. I managed to stay sober for 3 months once and for 1.5 month once. That's the longest I've gone sober all these years. For me, this is my last try on my own. This is it. Now or never. If I can't make it on my own (meaning without professional help) this time, I will not ever be able to do it without help. And thus hereby, I pledge that I will get professional help if I fail this time. I really don't want to do that, but I know I'll have to. Now let's see, yesterday I managed not to drink. My first day and I tell you, it was horribly hard. I knew it was going to be hard, but not that it would be THIS hard. I don't think I've had this much trouble with it on the first day, any of the times I tried quitting.