I'm an alcoholic with no money to buy alcohol anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by erick, Aug 28, 2012.

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  1. erick

    erick Active Member

    I've been an alcoholic for 6 year now. Im brewing wine now, but I can't afford buying alcohol until the wine is done. Last time I drank vodka I was so drunk that I wouldn't feel any pain. I'm planning to do that again and <edit moderator totat eclipse method>
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 28, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu are masking your pain with alcohol why not reach out here and to others and talk and release some of that pain hun What is causing you to drink so much hugs
  3. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Hi Erick - welcome to our forum, you can find that we are very supportive of each other (hey, if we don't, who else will?), and encourage each other on the days that are so bad for us.

    having said that, there was a time, several years, when my love was alcohol. It was my lover, friend, confidant, and once a woman found out alcohol was my #1 love, they were gone. And I had suicide plans, just to live was painful. At night I would say (not really a prayer) "God, if you let me wake up in the morning, I'm not going to be responsible for what I do tomorrow, its your fault"

    A combination of things happened - I got another DWI, then Rolling Stone magazine published an article on the exploits of Warren Zevon (RIP) and how he found sobriety and freedom from drugs, too. And our local paper published an article on Alcoholics Anonymous in our city, including real people, sharing what it was like, what happened, and what it was like now.

    The article included the number for the city's Central AA office, I called and a lady let me know of a meeting nearby, and when the meetings were. I had no idea what to expect, but someone offered me a cup of coffe, and people cared when they asked how I was, and what brought me there. And I made it a habit to go to a meeting a day. If I couldn't drive, I called the meeting place, and someone would come and get me, and then take me home.

    AA is not a religious cult. There is a pact of anonymity, that whoever comes through the doors, or what they may say, is not repeated. I will say that I have sat in meetings with professional athletes, a world-famous musician, and some people whose exploits made the front page of the paper .What happens there is similar to what happens here - we share our experience, hopes and dreams. We help each other through the hard days.

    I'm really not trying to push AA - but I went from a miserable life to a pretty decent house, and a woman who was the love of my life. And a number of wonderful friends.

    Alcohol. in any form, is a central nervous system depressant. When you have alcohol in your system, the result is often depression. Without it in your system, there is often a craving, a need to use again the very substance was killing us.You might find that, when the alcohol is not in your system, you're no longer in that state of despair.

    Good luck and may you find peace my brother
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 29, 2012
  4. erick

    erick Active Member

    Thank you dear you for replying. Yes I'm masking my mental pain, you are right. Hugs!
  5. erick

    erick Active Member

    Thank you dear you for writing to me. I have been at one AA-meeting. People were very nice to me, but when we sat at the table with many around it I got severe anxiety, and when it was my turn I said "I have nothing to say". I wish it could be more relaxed, my brother.
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