I'm an idiot i swear to god.

[SummertimeSadness]

I haven't really been active on this forum at all.. and i am so sorry for this thread... i just am. i truly don't mean to offend or trigger anyone with this but it's bothering me to the point where i feel nauseated and want to throw up like seriously. but i am going to put a trigger warning.. im really sorry.. something happened last month with someone on the street when i was walking by myself at night... honestly looking back at it i dont understand why would my family let me go out at night in the first place! but the police are involved in it and they're involved in another situation too.. like i said i REALLY don't mean to offend or trigger anyone with this..

its all being handled though and on the bright side.. me and my grandma are getting along better now.. although my relationship with my aunt is still pretty stressy..
i really didnt want to get upset today.. im not upset but im more so disgusted everytime it keeps popping in my head.. but everyone dont worry its all being handled although its bothering me.. my grandma said shes getting me a therapist soon and i cant wait for that honestly.. i just feel alone right now and i feel like i have noone to talk too.. im just such an idiot and im sorry... but reading these threads makes me feel less alone if that makes sense..

 

[KM76710]

I doubt that you are an idiot and am quite glad that reading here makes you feel like a part of the group and not alone because you are not. No triggers for me, but I admit that I handle things a bit less likely than many and have in a couple of situations where the police were involved.

 

[KM76710]

I doubt that you are an idiot and am quite glad that reading here makes you feel like a part of the group and not alone because you are not. No triggers for me, but I admit that I handle things a bit less likely than many and have in a couple of situations where the police were involved.

My apologies, it should have read as you are NOT an idiot, my mistake, but do believe you got the gist from the rest of my comment.

 

[Harmony]

No need to be sorry at all and you are not an idiot in the least. We're here for you to lean on. What you are feeling is entirely normal and I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you however, I am glad the police are involved in the situation, and additionally, you will be getting the help of a therapist soon. Continue to post here as much as you need to. Sending hugs your way.

 

[Champagne]

I haven't really been active on this forum at all.. and i am so sorry for this thread... i just am. i truly don't mean to offend or trigger anyone with this but it's bothering me to the point where i feel nauseated and want to throw up like seriously. but i am going to put a trigger warning.. im really sorry.. something happened last month with someone on the street when i was walking by myself at night... honestly looking back at it i dont understand why would my family let me go out at night in the first place! but the police are involved in it and they're involved in another situation too.. like i said i REALLY don't mean to offend or trigger anyone with this..

its all being handled though and on the bright side.. me and my grandma are getting along better now.. although my relationship with my aunt is still pretty stressy..
i really didnt want to get upset today.. im not upset but im more so disgusted everytime it keeps popping in my head.. but everyone dont worry its all being handled although its bothering me.. my grandma said shes getting me a therapist soon and i cant wait for that honestly.. i just feel alone right now and i feel like i have noone to talk too.. im just such an idiot and im sorry... but reading these threads makes me feel less alone if that makes sense..

Hey there, lots of hugs for you, I think you might need some...

First of all, you are not an idiot in the slightest, you did nothing wrong, it might feel that way at times because you are likely feeling the effects of trauma and its after effects. Whatever happened on the street, I dunno if you are glad but I am glad the police are there to help you, assist you and help you get justice. I am proud of you, you are brave and again, never an idiot, whoever hurt you is the idiot and a lot more harsher words.

Secondly, do not be sorry for posting on a site that is aimed at supporting others in distress, that is exactly what we are here for and you are free to post as much or as little as you want, no sorries hun, we are here for you. Posting definitely does help one feel less alone so please if you ever need to let things out, post here instead of suffering in silence we are more than happy to be here for you during this distressing time.

Third. I am so glad your grandma is going to help you get counselling, that is the best possible thing you could do right now while its fresh so you can help prevent more trauma down the line and it will help you recover and get back to some kind of normality and help you feel safe again. The best advice I can give you right now is that counselling is hard at first but it does get easier, when it gets hard do not give up, stick with it, you will be so glad that you did in the end.

So sorry you have had this horrible experience and I wish you a full recovery and a bright future, you are brave, courageous and you deserve all the support in the world, I am glad you have such a caring grandma and have support. Lots of hugs x

 

[SummertimeSadness]

So sorry you have had this horrible experience and I wish you a full recovery and a bright future, you are brave, courageous and you deserve all the support in the world, I am glad you have such a caring grandma and have support. Lots of hugs x

It's ok and thank you it's just so disgusting and i'm so disgusting.. the feeling of it.. just makes me want to throw up seriously.. and other incidents that happened i just want to get them off my chest but im afraid too... and its triggering.. its just disgusting..

 

[Champagne]

It's ok and thank you it's just so disgusting and i'm so disgusting.. the feeling of it.. just makes me want to throw up seriously.. and other incidents that happened i just want to get them off my chest but im afraid too... and its triggering.. its just disgusting..

You are not disgusting but I do know why you feel that way hun, I have been there and trust me right now everything might feel like crap and you feel awful about yourself, even ashamed and like filth but that will not last honey. Time, self compassion, counselling and support - all of those will help you in overcoming this traumatic event. You are suffering and what happened to you was in NO way your fault, not then, not now, never will be your fault. What happened does not define you. You need to look after your mental health right now and have support around you and people you can talk to, I understand some of it is triggering, counselling will help that and as you progress further you will feel less and less guilt and all the guilt will be on the guilty party - it is THEIR fault. They are disgusting filth and I hope will be dealt with harshly by the law. Protect yourself now, be kind to yourself as much as you can and try and keep yourself calm as much as you can, mindfulness is a brilliant tool - lots of youtube videos on that, that might benefit you. I am genuinely so proud of you and wish I was there to give you a real hug, you need to mind that lovely person that you are and not judge yourself for something that was not your fault. I really feel for you hun, you are even so amazing to be talking to us here, so proud of you 💖✨ Also google and youtube ''self compassion''. It may help you. You've got this, you are a survivor

 

[KM76710]

It's ok and thank you it's just so disgusting and i'm so disgusting.. the feeling of it.. just makes me want to throw up seriously.. and other incidents that happened i just want to get them off my chest but im afraid too... and its triggering.. its just disgusting..

I don't see you as disgusting in the least: hurt, pained, sad perhaps but disgusting, not at all

 

[Sassy Cat]

I just saw this so sorry hun I wish this had not happened to you. It’s not your fault and what happened to you was disgusting because it should never have happened but it does not make you disgusting. I hope you get the support you need know we are all here for you.