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Im an idiot

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About me
Im 20 years old no friend no goal no job. I tell funny things to my self like whats wrong?
Ive been depressed for quiet long. bUT THATS i deserve it. I chose to be alone. I was disgusted with world as a child, mainly the hate for parents i've. To cut it short i was apathic in a diconcerting way. Now im just some moron with no future and no past. Drown by inability to take in life. i wonder y im here( in this world as now). This is ridiculous. Worst of all i am. ask the question, do existence of my being really matters at all? Like if i die someone may whine for a while then thats it. not making much sense anyway.
Ive this urge to yell 'fuk u god u bastard' if u even exist. My parents told me i should be careful to not be stuck by bolt of lighting cuz my actions are so immoral. They dont believe god, but they believe im immoral. Well damn them damn this pitiful world. Im so sik of it i have no urge to kill myself, to grieve my misfortune. Im just Instead i just wait. Wait for the next second, then the second. nothing has to make sense. But it then makes perfect sense.
Life is meaningless, hopefully only to me. I required no symapthy and so i got none. because i was unwilling to give there was no return. I feel all miseries was brought upon by myself.


The biggest loser ever to live.
I'm 19 right now and feel very much like you. I also have no friends, haven't had any for quite a while, I've never had a job, I've chosen to be a loner but yet I still want company, I get depressed at thinking I will be alone for the rest of my life and I feel that right now I have no future even though everyone tells me I'm so young and full of promise, potential, blah blah blah.
And all the other kids my age I know are all better than me, I'm the only one pathetic, miserable, depressed, suicidal, etc. Just had to get that out and wanted you to know you aren't alone.
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