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I'm at my lowest.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by stturtle, Dec 9, 2008.

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  1. stturtle

    stturtle Member

    I think I might be at my lowest. Things from the past have come back to haunt me, I can't let them go and stop blaming myself like everyone says to do. They don't realize the situation. Out of everyone in the world, it happened to me, that can't just be pure chance, can it? It's changed me permanently. Beyond just the past, the present is sending me down. Every time I pass a mirror, I either want to just stab myself in my stomach, or throw up. I can't help but hate what I see everyday in the mirror. I wish I could just curl up and die. I think about doing it everyday. Mainly I think about just taking a ton of pills, irreversible. I wish I just didn't care what people thought about me, if that was the case, I would already be happy out of this world. But I care too much about what people will think of me, even though I'd be dead. Insane right? I think about people blaming my parents. And I can't have that happen, I just wish there was a way to leave without hurting other people. That's not my goal at all. I want everyone else to be happy. I just, don't think I ever will be in this life, so why am I enduring all this for nothing.
  2. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    Hi again :)

    you no i can relate to how your feeling!!

    you should see it like this, there is no way you, me or anyone is going to please every single person we come across, all you can do is be you... and people make up there own mind whether they like you or not!
    it used to eat away at me all the time... even if i left my home. and people would stare, i still think at times they are staring because im that damn ugly and replusive...

    you dont no what the future holds. you dont no how you will even feel this time next year.. so much could happen/change, all for the better.... but please dont do anything silly just of the way you are feeling at the moment....

    you no you can PM me anytime

  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I can understand that low point that you are at. But don't let it dominate your views and perception. Just like lostspirit said, things can change, nobody knows for sure what the future holds.

    Take care.
  4. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi Stturtle,
    Though I don't know what has been happening to you, I know there's times and things that happen to people that made them think it will never get better and if so it's only till next load of crap arrives....but I think it's ok to relate to your parents if you in fact would kill yourself, if you think further it won't be only the shame but specially the grief would be enormous. Also, as long as you keep holding on you give time and life a chance, I mean it might as well be some good things for you in the future.
    I hope things get better to you, and keep posting whenever you feel like, hopefully it helps you
    Take care
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello stturtle,

    Just wondering how you are doing today? :hug:
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