I think I might be at my lowest. Things from the past have come back to haunt me, I can't let them go and stop blaming myself like everyone says to do. They don't realize the situation. Out of everyone in the world, it happened to me, that can't just be pure chance, can it? It's changed me permanently. Beyond just the past, the present is sending me down. Every time I pass a mirror, I either want to just stab myself in my stomach, or throw up. I can't help but hate what I see everyday in the mirror. I wish I could just curl up and die. I think about doing it everyday. Mainly I think about just taking a ton of pills, irreversible. I wish I just didn't care what people thought about me, if that was the case, I would already be happy out of this world. But I care too much about what people will think of me, even though I'd be dead. Insane right? I think about people blaming my parents. And I can't have that happen, I just wish there was a way to leave without hurting other people. That's not my goal at all. I want everyone else to be happy. I just, don't think I ever will be in this life, so why am I enduring all this for nothing.