Hi , I'm not sure what to write today.. I just need to talk. I have t been on here in over a year... I was trying to check on some people but it seems it's all changed.. I still recognize names.. I hope you are all well... I'm doing ok. My life is turning up but what goes up always comes back down. I just want a steady upward climb. I ended a 9+ year relationship... It wasn't good for me and I finally had the balls to get out of it. They say women are weak for staying in a situation they are not happy in... I think I'm incredibly stupid but I'm also glad that I'm out. I'm free and I can move on... I don't miss him one bit, but I do want love. Sucks because I thought someone else cared about me but actions say otherwise... My mind has slowly been drifting to self harm but I haven't done it and the urges are not there it's just thoughts... Although the other day it was stronger. Funny I want to get rid of a scar (word) with another scar... I think I'll be ok I just need to work through my shit. All areas in my life have gone down except for career which is going up. I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard. For those of you reading this and have your struggles it'll be ok. I mean that from my heart, the world is a funny cruel place and I know I'm feeling like shit but maybe it'll turn to gold.