Hi everyone. I haven't been around on here for a few months, things have been pretty bad. Just wanted to say thank you to the people who were asking about me and if i was ok. It was nice to know some people out there care and notice me. It actually made me cry! To have someone ask if i was ok. Since i last posted on here my life has just gone downhill pretty quickly. I didn't believe it was possible to be more depressed than i already was but unfortunately it's true. I have never felt so low in my life. I don't want to live anymore. The past few months have seen many suicide attempts (and failures obviously). Despite this my so called 'mental health team' still don't care and won't do anything to help. So i've basically given up on them. I only see them when i have to and when i do see them i just lie and tell them everything is fine. I've had enough of trying to tell them how i really feel. They just don't listen anyway. To make things even more difficult i'm struggling with an eating disorder. I've been starving myself, making myself sick and now have an unhealthy dependance on laxatives. I've lost an awful lot of weight (just over 2 stone). I'm now deemed underweight. I went to see a eating disorder specialist just before christmas and he told me there was nothing they could offer me, it wasn't that bad and i should stop wasting people's time. I was really hurt and totally gobsmacked when he said that. So now it's just made it even worse. My eating disorder is the only thing i have. It's mine, only i control it. So i've decided to carry on and starve myself to death. The sooner i'm dead the better. Sorry for rambling on. I just needed to get it all out. i'm really struggling to understand why nobody ever helps me. I try and be rational about it but it's hard when i've been rejected so many times. I guess i'm just not meant to have a life.