I'm back-anyone remember me?

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by MadeOfGlass, Jun 30, 2015.

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  1. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    Idk, to be honest it feels weird being back here after two years of not posting and not logging on. I'm not the same 14 year old that joined this site, that's for sure.
    In those two years, I've graduated high school, finished my freshman year of college, spent a year and a half in recovery from anorexia, gotten a job and bought a car. It's been four years since I last attempted. Things should be going well and to be honest I just feel like I'm falling apart.

    I can't get to sleep and when I wake up I can't get out of bed. I'm slowly losing friendships because I don't have to energy to connect with them and it stresses me out. My depression and anxiety are both back and making it hard to be a functional person and I'm having flashbacks to some traumatic memories. I can't eat properly and I keep wanting to relapse with self harm, I don't feel like I can do this much longer.

    This isn't the most typical "welcome" post, but I'm back and I'll be here for a while. Some help would be great.
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am glad you came back to visit, though very sorry for the reasons.

    If you look a when had problems before- freshman in high school and in period of life/age everything was changing and compare it to now freshman in college period of life/age where many things are once again in transition is understandable why the same sort of issues might result in the same sort of feelings and problems that happened before. Sadly we as humans are very predictable in our response to situations. The plus side to that is that now you have experience and wisdom on your side to see it is in fact a temporary situation and that you do know how to make and follow a plan to get out of the dark feelings that you are experiencing. Put your supports back in place and make it easier and faster to work through the issues this side based on your experience.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I remember you sweetie :hug: the chat bakery has not been the same without you!

    I am sorry that you are having a hard time - but congratulations on all you have achieved!! You came through so much and have done so well, you have a whole host of tools now that you didn't have at 14 - you can come through this too.

    Drop me a PM if you want to or, better yet, stop by chat! Welcome back to SF - you were absolutely not forgotten - you were one of the first two people i spoke to here when I joined.

    Take care and stay safe,

    Freya :hug:
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I remember you :)

    Welcome back :hugs:

    You should be so proud of what you have achieved, I hope you are. Of course you're a different person since joining here, I am too. I was 18 when i joined, now im 26. We can relate to those feelings you're having so keep opening up and talking to us.

    Maybe making a diary might help? You didn't mention if you were seeking out professional help? :hugs:
  5. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    I mean, I guess I realize it's a temporary kind of a situation, as in I know this tough time will pass but I always know it's going to come back throughout my life. The scary thing now is being an independent adult who has to get through life rather than when I was younger and I didn't have to deal with as much "real world" kind of issues. For instance, nowadays I have to juggle working with college and finding internships and just overall making sure I don't fall behind.

    Freya! I missed you and would love to chat baking anytime. :hug: thanks for the congrats! it does feel good to kinda look back at how far I've come even if it is still difficult now.

    Petal, I'm trying to figure out how to navigate getting some professional help. When I first got diagnosed with depression at 14 I turned down anti depressants but now I'm revisiting medication as an option to help with things. However I'm home from college for the summer (I live in Washington state and I go to college in Virginia), and since I'm home temporarily at my parents I don't know if I want to tell them I'm struggling again, and I don't really know how to find help in the city I'm in for college. So I'm not sure if I should be visiting a doctor while I'm at home, or when I go back to school.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your parents would want to know how you are feeling and they would want to be able to help you ok Talk to them see your doctor now and if you need to before going to college set up an appt with a doctor there as well just get your doctor to transfer any information needed to new doc. More options for help is always good
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    madeofglass, I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I can share with you what I have learned about healing. It comes in levels ( as I call them). Meaning we can do amazing work and make it through a level. Then we function well. But then the next level can come up for healing. Full with SO much pain and the feelings that go along with that.

    This is not because of something done wrong. But rather it is just time for the next level to get healing. So many awesome amazing people are going through a new level of healing right now. Which means lots is coming up for them. Please forgive me if what I have written does not fit for you. I just am offering it because it has in the past been offered to me. It helped me to feel some hope while I was feeling the pain of it all. I am sending you :hug: as you move through this next level.
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