sorry about the super long hiatus, and i hope i didnt worry anyone. i did end up going inpatient, but im finally at a good dose of my medication and starting therapy for the ptsd. i ended up not going to residential (they didnt want to take me due to physical health problems) but i am confident i can work on things from home. i am sorry i left for months after saying id only be gone a few weeks, lol. i plan to visit the forum to have a support system in place, but i am currently not suicidal.