SF! I've missed you! The reason I've been gone for the last few months is that my life took a dive into a complete crisis and I ended up quitting my job because I could no longer function in my position with the constant depression and suicidal ideation. In November, I began therapy and--at my therapist's urging--went into my city's emergency psychiatric services clinic. There, I was diagnosed with depression and received a prescription for citalopram (Celexa). Since November, things have begun to look up. I am starting to feel the effects of sticking to the medication this time around, and the therapy has helped tremendously. I have just begun EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for the abuse in my past, and despite the headaches I have afterward I am feeling more confident than ever. Why am I telling you this? Because I no longer want to die. I no longer want to kill myself because I know I am not helpless. I have the power to be happy and realize my full potential no matter how hard it is, no matter how much work it takes, no matter how much it costs. I am worth it. My life is worth it. I have too much to do and too many lives to touch before I am done with this. I want you to know that just mere months ago I was ready to jump from a highway bridge into the Mississippi or be thrown from a car through a windshield. Today, I want to make my dreams come true. I am a fellow Suicide Forum member, and you CAN do this. You CAN be here. You just have to realize it is possible and YOU ARE WORTH THIS WORK. Because I absolutely 100% know that you are. And I don't even know you. I love you. You hear me? I LOVE YOU. Please do this for yourself. Find a therapist in your insurance network. No insurance? No money? Find one that has low income payment options. Find a free counseling center that may be able to hook you up with therapy for the financially strapped. They know who to call in your area. I'm not saying you have to get medicated, just see someone. Medication is just one of your options. Yes, it's working for me, but this is YOUR journey. And even though I know you might not want this now, your future self wants this for you very badly. Trust me. What would you say to someone you love who's going through what you are? Your future self LOVES you. I love you. We all love you. Just give yourself a chance, okay? I won't ask you to do anything more than that.