i know i haven't been here in a long time, and i apologize. i havne't had any peace and quiet to come on here and read and respond. life is once again throwing rocks at me, and it hurts. once again we're losing everything. we just can not get back on our feet. i'm tired. it's always the same. i'm not allowed to be happy. i get punished for being happy. i don't know what crime i've committed, but the sentence is a life of misery. i'm tired. i know i can not post details here, but i have someting that i recently got (legally), my psychiatrist told me to get rid of it because it is highly lethal, but, well, i still have it. and now it is constantly on my mind. so tempting. especially since i now know that this might just do the trick.