I'm back

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by AngelofPainandMisery, Nov 25, 2015.

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  1. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Well-Known Member

    I'm back and not alot is better, I'm taking 14 pills a day, I went to three diffrent insitutions and never had a one-on-one session with a therapist. Insurance refused to put me in RTC so I'm back. The solution nowadays I guess is to just throw drugs at the problem. I feel a weird combination of ok and numb, numb, numb like crazy. The meds got rid of my personalities talking all the time, the anxiety (not my social anxiety) but it's made my depersonalization worse and my discociative-ness worse. I feel totally disconected from myself now.
    It seems like the time I want help and try to get help everything is against me. I tried, I really did. Now I have to go back to school next week and I don't know if I can make it, I have a therapy session next Thursday, not sure how I'll cope till then. I'm not feeling suicidal, I'm numb, which means if I try anything I am 80% more likey to follow through. It's like a repeat of 2010, I got out and 6 weeks later attempted. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm on my own now not under threat of being locked up, I've been out for about 48 hours now, have already hurt myself.
    Not much is diffrent now than a month ago, I feel a little better and numb and I don't believe in a god anymore.
    I just need to make it until Christmas when I see my aunt and cousin, for the second time in my life. I just need to remeber my guinea pigs and bunny, how much I love them.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2015
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Haven't been back here in a while but wanted to check in and to let you know I do understand. I've been to res twice as an adolescent. Can't be on psych meds because they make some of my alters more suicidal. And I think res itself caused me more trauma then helped. I've tried some natural medicines such as 5-htp and others with the suggestion of a natural path. Might be something to ask your doc about. Our systems are all so complex. Don't give up. I've also used a service dog for both my mental and physical health problems. There are treatments out there that work and that can benefit you. It's all about finding what can help you the most. You may not find a "perfect" combo or "cure" but there are def ways to help you improve your life.
  3. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I hope there is, I've been though and have tried alot, I wish and hope something will work.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Don't give up fighting to get support for you ok YOU deserve support and kindness understanding don't let them push you aside you keep fighting for help ask abt alternative meds that may help you Medication is not suppose to take the real you away if it is numbing you it is too high talk to your doc ok keep talking glad you came back here for support
  5. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member

    **hugs** I'm glad you are looking at the things that you have to live for. There is light there -- hang on to it. Keep on the battle, and keep us updated. OK? Through your downs AND your up's :)
    2 people like this.
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