Im back

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rev, May 16, 2009.

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  1. rev

    rev New Member

    New here kinda hard to type with tears in my eyes srry.Im 32 lucks been real good for the month of April & part of May except last couple of days something woke the worst & last thing that I ever wanted back-my depression,rage,self mutulation,lonliness, & my sucidal thoughts.Havent had these feelings in going on about 3-4 years since my last girlfreind.That was a bad time for me got locked up about 3 times in 2 months or so ran away to Mexico on one occasion fleein from getting locked up again.Always since I was a kid even at the age of 9 always thought of suiiicide -sick huh a little boy thinking of killing himself instead of GI Joes or something.Found out tonight that nothing works pills,doctors,therapy & even what I did for the past 3-4 years allinating myself from society.The only reason Im still alive right now is dont want to hurt my mother.Thats not working anymore either cause I thought of something my family called me selfish when I wanted to kill myself but I think its the other way aroound I think its selfish for them to want me to live in pain.Doesnt matter what I try my deamons are still there.What started this off is I met a woman online in a game that we became close-lets just say that I cant be with her & she cant be with me.Always wanted someone to share my heart with guess thats not ever gonna happen.Ive been thinkin that this time I wont try to stop my deamons if IOm not meant to be then Im not meant to be.Someday theyll make a cure for us but I dot think its gonna be fast enough for me.
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    The best way to deal with something of this nature is a spiritual remedy. And the only way to get a spiritual remedy is in and through Jesus Christ with God Most High. So if you are serious about the remedy here's how it works:

    First and foremost, you have to believe Jesus. And I'm not talking about just believing a little. I am talking believing on such a level where no one can tell you that Jesus does not exist, and where you believe and no one will change that.

    Second, you have to show love to all your friends and to your enemies, you have to show love times 10. There is no greater love than laying down your life for one another. Jesus laid down His life for all of us so that we might be saved. So you are probably thinking, thats' nice, but it doesn't do nothing for me. I tell you the truth, this will do so much for you and others because of one word: prophet. I work for Christ, Jesus, God almighty. That makes me a prophet. and i can do anything so long as its God's will. And i tell you the truth, its God's will that you and anybody else who reads this to be fruitful, kind of like a happy fruitful. Start looking for things that could never possibly happen because they are gonna happen at the worst of times and the best of times and we are not talking about simple little things, we are talking about defying natural laws like scientific impossible motions. by now, you probably thinking i'm crazy. I get that alot, but in the end, everyone that says i'm crazy realizes the truth about Jesus Christ, God Almighty and the great love they have together for us.
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    It hardly seems appropriate to be preaching on a suicide forum...

    Anyway other than that I've not much to say as it's 4 am and I can barely even see right now. Just letting you know I read your topic and understand what you're going through.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Just wanted you to know that I read your thread...If therapy and meds don't help then I am at a loss to offer advice.. Have you truly given meds a chance?? It took them years of trial and error before they found the right combination for me.. I have also been in therapy for four years and didn't notice a difference in me until the end of the second year..These things take time.. Maybe you should try again..
  5. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    I hear you. That's always been my last wall, too. I am unwilling to hurt my wife. For me, parents don't enter into it - the less I think about them, the better. The other anchor I've had after my last attempt is a deal to tell someone first. I always pick somebody that I have to call before I can commit suicide. Not to talk me out of it, that's not in the rules - yeah, rules I make up myself. I don't want to make the call. I know it's wierd, willing to kill myself, unwilling to tell anybody. I don't think anybody claims suicide is grounded in logic.
    When you say meds don't work, what have they had you on? Anti-depressants don't work for me - they've been involved in every really close call I've had. After the last one I met a new therapist who was smart enough to dump the anti-depressants and put me on mood stabilizers. That made a big difference for me, it's not a cure, I don't believe there is a cure, but it let me hang in through some rough times. Anyway, unless you've tried all 1,613,412 drugs (made up the number) all you know is that the ones you've tried haven't worked.
    Please don't give up.
  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Hey Rev, I,m 54 and have been through 20+ years of therapy and meds. (finally found the right combination of both). It's possible! Please feel free to send me a private message if you want, I respond to all. Stick with us a while and check it out.

    This forum is full of caring and intelligent people who've been through much of what you have. Give it a chance.

  7. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Sudut came on kind of strong, but he/she has a valid point. Our spiritual self is part of the whole package. Most of us stay focused on the physical and mental parts, to the neglect of our spiritual selves. If you can sift through what Sudut said, you'll see that the bottom line is that God created a good thing when He created you. You might not see that, but most of us can't always see the good that is a natural part of us. I guess it's the human condition that we see negative stuff, especially having to do with ourselves. Uniting with your Creator will begin a spiritual developmental stage in your life that can give meaning to your existence.

    I know - I'm a fine one to talk. I've attempted many, many times. I don't really understand why, but I think it has to do with the gap between what God sees in me and what I see in me. Closing that gap can only have a positive effect on us.

  8. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    I guess you and sudut are saying I can never get well then... because I do NOT believe in god and anyone trying to push 'faith' and 'god' on me just makes it worse. Thanks but no thanks!! Uniting with my creator? That would be my mother and father... and my father died 2 years ago this past week... but they are my ONLY 'creators'!

    Rev... I know how you feel, that meds and therapy don't work, I haven't found any of them to help either... but I have heard from many that it can take MANY years... sometimes as long as 10 or more years before you find the right combination... so you might not have found the right combo yet. I hope you can find something that helps to make you feel a little better!! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
  9. vizionz

    vizionz Member

    I read your thread and I understand completely how you feel. I just got my heart broken for the second time in a year. After the first time I swore I wouldn't let it happen again. And it did. It sucks. It really sucks. And feeling like this everyday is no way to live. I understand you not wanting to wait all these years for the right combination of drugs to work. I have been there and done that and the feeling of chemically enhanced moods is not for everyone. bad as its getting lately I am trying my ass off to find reasons to keep moving on. I hope you can do the same....the fact that you are posting on here surely is a good start. Good luck!
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