Im back...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shamps, Jun 6, 2010.

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  1. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Yeah just when you guys thought youd got rid of me easily im back and feeling lower than ever!!

    Ive finally moved home for those of you that k now me and its been one of the hardest things ive ever had to do was walk away from all the happy memories made there with me and my ex.

    Ive tried to hide my sadness since by binge drinking and plastering a fake smile on my face but its just not working.Who was I kidding??Im not happy,im far far far from happy.I now have somebody(an old school friend living with me)but I still feel totally alone.

    All of this only confirms that I need to totally get out of the country all together,my job,home,people I know are not enough for me now.Im too sad in this horrible country,I need the sun and somewhere thats a fresh start for me,but im too chicken to do it now.How do you just get up and walk away from everything with no job to go to and no money behind you??

    Im sinking once again,ive only just recently got my internet properly sorted and am now back with you guys so I could really use some support.I am sorry to burden other people on here when they have their own problems.

    I also woke this morning to some bad news about another member of SF and im not handling it too well.I dont know where to turn or what to do.Need a hug but the people around me are too wrapped up in their own problems.x
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi shamps nice to see you...i am here for you if you would like to really helps to get the thoughts out and I would be more than happy to help in any way that I can...
    Bambi :arms:
  3. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Thanks Bambi........I really thought I was doing ok but turns out it was just me trying to fool myself.Im really not coping at all and have learnt that getting drunk just gets me a hangover rather than me waking up to vanished problems.Now I just feel ten times worse x
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Welcome back Ange....glad your'e move is over but sad that you feel so down ..
    here if you want to talk ...
    agree that the alcohol is not a good idea....:hug::flowers:
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Oh shamps I feel for you...I too tried the old drowning my sorrows in alcohol and just like you found it neither solved my problems nor did it take away the pain.
    One thing to keep in mind a least for the present and near future is you are hurting deeply from the loss of Stephen and this is adding to the sadness you already had. Now I am not saying that you don't take your pain seriously but rather focus on grieving right now...your heart needs that space and needs to honor your loss that way. If I attempt, and that is a big IF thanks to this place, I would want it to be because I truly could not take it any more ..not as a reaction to alcohol or the loss of a what I am trying to say is hold of any judgment about your situation as grief and loss are the main emotions right now-and that is as it should be, it is hard losing a family member and that is how I look at losing an SF member.
    I did not know Stephen very well did you? Around here we are all so close even if we didn't directly talk to a particular member we still share an incredible bond and we lose a part of our own heart when we lose a member. I know I got teared up when I read the news.
    I am open to talking about whatever would help but I think talking about your sense of loss is a good thing to talk about right now...please be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.
    BTW I too took a break once thinking I was "okay" but turns out I needed this place more than I realized so in that sense glad to have you back..:arms: :wub: Bambi
  6. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Thanks IV and Bambi,

    Yes I did know quite a bit about Stephen from before,we pm'd quite a bit in my early days on here so that is making me feel crappy as like I said I took a break from here whilst moving ect and feel like I couldve done something more for him.Maybe thats not true at all and there really was no stopping him but id like to think there was.
    Ive never met anybody from SF in person but I feel there are a few from here that may aswel been a family member to me as I never really had family before and am a lot closer to people on here than others.
    I feel I am spiralling out of control and not just because of Stephen,you are right its just all adding to the problems I had before.Lets face it my life has never been anywhere near perfect from a very young age my family hated me and have been cheated and abused by the only two men ive ever fallen deeply in love with.Im just constantly catching up and by the time I think im dealing with one problem another comes along to knock me back down.I never truly get a break emotionally and even though some may think im strong because ive lasted this long,im really not because im always in pain.
    Im tired now really tired of TRYING to cope.And I miss my friend dearly x:hug:
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