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I'm back

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Hi everybody, I just joined a couple of weeks ago, and last week I wound up in the hospital psychiatric unit under suicide watch. All the fight had gone out of me and I didn’t want to play anymore. I had chosen my method and location. The only things left were to finish the note and list of people to notify, and choose my expiration date. This was on Sunday, 6/5. I had an appointment with my psychologist the following morning, and I decided to give him a chance to talk me out of it.

After he determined just how serious the problem was he gave me a choice; I could either voluntarily admit myself to the hospital, or he could call somebody to come and get me and have a hold put on me. After letting the reality of the situation sink in I agreed to go voluntarily. I’m really glad I did because I feel so much better now. They adjusted my meds and added Bipolar Disorder to my list of demons.

I’m back at work again, and I’ve been e-mailing friends to let them know what has happened with me. Next weekend I think I’ll be ready to talk with my relatives about it. I’ve been reading a lot of posts by new people here, and many of them sound very much like me, and I also heard many similar stories from other patients in the hospital. So to all of you that feel lost, alone, misunderstood, or guilty I can tell you this – We all get lost, you’re not alone, there are people who listen and understand, and it’s not your fault.

The main thing is get help by opening up and talking to a doctor. Meds do help, but they take time to work; and I can tell you from experience that alcohol only makes it worse. I’m happy to say that today is my 68th consecutive day without alcohol, and even though the lack of alcohol brought my Bipolar Disorder to the surface it was a good thing because I was able to get help for it.

I know I’m not cured, and I probably never will be, but I feel like I have the weapons to fight my demons now, and as long as I don’t give up I still have a chance. I’m back, and I have the fight back in me – and it feels damn good!

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