I'm battling. But I don't feel I have anything left to live for.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MillyVanilli, Mar 6, 2013.

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  1. MillyVanilli

    MillyVanilli New Member

    I'm suffering from severe depression and anxiety. I don't have a lot of friends and I never have. I find it difficult to engage with people, like I'm in a slightly different dimension and they don't see me. I used to be so full of hope and joy.

    I had a boyfriend. I think he emotionally abused me, but he said that it was just my illness making me feel that way. Under pressure from my parents, friends and therapist ( who obviously only heard my side of the story) I broke up with him last week. He won't speak to me at all now.

    I WAS getting better. But ever since I left him I feel so alone. Two of my 4 friends are leaving the country in a month. Another is also depressed and I don't want to burden her more. The other has a 4 year old son, lives a 2 hour drive away and is going through a divorce AND her mum has cancer. So I'm fairly low on her priority list.

    I built all my hopes and dreams around my boyfriend. I honestly thought he was the one. Now everything I say, do, wear, look at reminds me of how I have pushed him away. Even that dancing llama ( he loves llamas).

    I don't see any point carrying on. I'm in so much pain inside and now I have no-one to comfort me. I've spent the last two days trying to work out an effective way to kill myself. I can't live like this. Every time it seems to improve, something happens to make it worse and I think it's all my own doing. I just want it all to end.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Milly time now hun to get that support to keep talking to your therapist and to work on YOU ok. If your bf cares for you he will be back hun if not then you deserve someone that will always be there in good and bad times right. You take this time now to heal ok hun Ask your therapist to set you up with some group therapies Go into hospital for a stint just to get you some stabilization You deserve to be happy hun don't give up ok hun YOu can get feeling better again Things happen but who knows what future holds for us right You take time now and look after YOU hugs
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    There must have been issues for all of these people to suggest you break up with him...it was a very brave thing to do...having lost the love of my life, I know it takes time, but it can also be a very freeing experience...please speak to people who support you to see what you can do to feel better...for me, it was starting a new degree which helped me to feel stronger...it varies for each person
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