im becoming more of a hikikomori as time goes by

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by xsomewhatdamagedx, Jul 25, 2011.

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  1. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    for as long as i can remember i haven't liked being outside in large crowds or being around people at all i very rarely leave my house unless i have to (doctor or hospital appointments usually)i have such a fear of the outside world and of people in general.over the past few years i have become more paranoid about people and their motives i always think that their only out to get me or they want something out of me i just cant hope with people at all i don't have the strength or energy and they truly terrify me.only recently my mother has known to some extent about how i feel but i don't think she knows the full extent and i find it hard to really explain everytime i know i have to leave the house i have such a feeling of dread and i want it to be over quickly so i can get back home.

    a few days ago a friend of mine said he has a thing called avoidant personality disorder and told me that i sounded like i have it especially since i have hikikomori tendencies i looked it up and i have most if not all of the symptoms even my mother agreed that it sounds alot like me but i have read up on alot of syndromes and i have alot of symptoms of other conditions to.i really don't know what to do anymore i can only get on with other hiki's because no one else understands me they either think that its a phase or that im lying which im not.
     
  2. NiceGuYKC

    NiceGuYKC Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I'm glad you have a friend to talk to though. Why not try and go out more often with your friend.
    Something like going to the cinema together or just going for a walk.
     
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I actually learned about that term years back, because I fit into all the symptoms very well. Now I feel that I have to commit suicide eventually because I've damaged my life so much being isolated from the rest of the world. I can't imagine going out now and interacting with people normally, having missed out on so many things. Nobody now would want to be friends with me, to be my partner, etc. except maybe others just like me. The problem is for us loners and isolationists to find others like ourselves because we don't want to seek out other people to begin with!

    I dunno what caused it to begin in the first place. My guess is that I moved around a lot as a child, had to keep losing friends I made, go to new schools and put up with lots of bullying. So I suppose I just withdrew and didn't want to make a friend for I was afraid I'd just lose him the next time I moved.

    Yeah, it would be very hard for a non-hikikomori to understand one I think. They must think we are from another planet! At least you have one person here who does understand you and I'm sure others as well. :mhmm:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 25, 2011
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am unfamiliar with that term but you sound like you have Social Anxiety, have you looked at that?

    These conditions are often quite similar and I ended up thinking I had lots of them.
     
  5. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    i have actually met alot of hiki's on the net who i can kind of get on with i found them on a group on fb and they have added me to their friends the page on fb gets trolled alot so i ended up creating my own hiki group.i got bullied alot as a kid and i have never really bonded with people much especially after my grandfather died when i was about seven when he died i started keeping myself to myself even more because people just expected me toget on with things and get on with my life.today i had to go out which made me feel sick i couldn't wait to get home so i could shut myself up in my room again i cant deal with people or the outside world
     
  6. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    hikikomori is a japanese term for someone who is a social recluse hiki's can shut them selves up in their rooms for months even years without steping a foot outside of their room
     
  7. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Wikipedia saves the day! :mhmm:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

    I see you mentioned that you are also a victim of bullying just like I was. Its truly a terrible thing to go through and bullying in your childhood can affect you for your
    entire life. Its just disgusting how cruel people can be, especially as children in grade school. They'll pick on you relentlessly for the tiniest thing!
    I'm also sorry of your grandfather's death. So far in my life, I haven't had anyone pass away that I cared about.

    I've had my grandma's pass away that I remember but unfortunately, I hardly knew them since they were all the way in India
    and I've lived my whole life abroad. Now I feel like a bad person for not really mourning them. :(

    I don't think I could cope with the loss of a loved one very well, I am very weak and emotionally vulnerable. I am not a strong person.
    It must be a terrible thing to go through. Hopefully, we both can make it through our demons. :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2011
  8. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    i have been through hell and back in my life like so many countless others i have come to a point where i dont trust anyone anymore i got back from my first shrink apointment today only to feel even worse about myself.i have been bullied my whole life by countless a holes who loved victimizing people and you're right kids do pick on you for the tiniest reasons which always made me feel self concious all the time it came to a point where they couldn't say or do anything to me because they had already made me feel completely sub human.i dont think that you should be so hard on yourself for not mourning and i think that you are stronger than you think.
     
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