I'm being fraud here...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ordep, Oct 2, 2009.

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  1. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    (first off, I'm not sure if this should be posted here, if a mod feels this belongs somewhere else, please change it)

    When I joined SF not so long ago, I wanted two things, to recieve help, but also to help other people.

    And I try, I've posted alot since day 1, a whole lot yesterday, spent hours reading posts and replying, always trying to find something good or wise to tell people in need, trying to be as kind as I could, trying to be helpful and cheer them up.

    But today I just feel like a fraud.

    I'm depressed to the bone, I wanna die, my life in shambles. How the heck do I dare give people advice on how to get out of their troubles when I can't get out of my problems myself? I dunno if my advice so far has been of any use, but a few people thanked me, and now I feel like I just fooled them. I'm like a blind guy helping another blind guy move around, doesn't seem safe...

    I'm sorry to all the people I tried to help so far, probably all I said is a bunch of crap, I can't get my life moving foward and I'll probably die sooner than most you because I'm feeling as nearer the edge as I ever got, and that's preety close to it.

    I'm sorry to all the people who are suffering today and posted about it in this forum. I read all your posts, I tried to reply, tell you something good and wise that could help you. But I can't... I just can't get myself to do it. I'm so sorry... there are people out there much better qualified to help than me, people who can actually follow their own advice, unlike me.

    And I'm sorry to all the other great of the forum, who dedicate so much of their time helping others who are suffering. I'm sure this is not what you want to hear, but you don't want a helper fraud among your ranks. I'm just not good for anything at all
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2009
  2. Zoe

    Zoe Well-Known Member

    "I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself" - Oscar Wilde.

    You're not a fraud, you're a kind person having a bad day.

    :hug:
     
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It's going to be give a little of yourself and then rest. I have to do that. When I log in I look for new posts and add a small comment related to the post. I do that for a short period of time then I mark forums read and then rest.

    Sometimes, I go exploring around the site. I have to stay away from a couple of the areas because they can trigger me, but I have ventured in there a couple of times.

    What is happening to you, has happened with me. Take it one step at a time. I'm glad you are here.

    :hug:
     
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Agreed.

    It's calling fighting. I too have bad days here. But then I just pick myself up, dust off the dirt and enter the ring again. Still wanna kick death's arse!


    Most of us here, suffer from some sort of mental illness, so to give advice on living one day and the next day wanting to die, isnt at all uncommon.
    Heck I am the master at that one! lol
     
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Your feelings about this are somewhat natural here Ordep.

    I've been reading your threads and reply's and I think you've been quite helpful. It's a help and be helped site...there's no right or wrong. Ease up on yourself, you've been a very positive influence here.

    Take care
     
  6. happiness

    happiness Member

    Hey man you shouldn't feel like a fraud at all. You just had a bad day. We all have bad days. Of all the posts you've done you said you've gotten a few thanks which is well worth it. You've helped other people, it's that simple. You've taken the time to read and most importantly LISTEN to others. Trust me when I say that just having someone that will listen makes a difference. In the meantime go listen to "Chumbawamba - Tubthumping."
     
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Support and help go both ways at SF. Today, you're on the receiving end 'cos you're having a bad day. That does not make you a fraud. I'm sure you've posted helpful things. And even today when you're struggling, you're trying to help...that's wonderful! It shows how kind and generous you are. :smile:

    I think maybe your own feelings need your attention today. I hope you feel better soon! :hug:
     
  8. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hi Pedro,

    I think your reasons for joining are really good - I only joined just to get help for myself, but I've found it's really hard not to want to support others, so I end up posting advice and stuff anyway. And I've seen your posts and how much time and thought you put into them, and how they do help.

    And as for feeling a fraud, I reckon I've got the monopoly on that one! I don't just feel like a fraud when I post trying to help others (how many times haven't I accidentally re-read one of my posts and thought shit did I write that oh god), but I even feel a fraud when I write about me too, always afraid that it's just attention-seeking or exaggerating or whatever.

    What I'm trying to say is that feeling bad and wanting help, and feeling not so bad and offering help, they aren't mutually exclusive. You can be both things -and neither of them makes you a fraud. And as for giving advice - I reckon the best advice comes from those who are in the same boat, because they can see most clearly what would work.

    Hope you feel better about what's getting you down right now, and I'll be looking forward to reading some more of your insightful posts later!
     
  9. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    everyone has their own insight.
    every single person in this forum has issues. what happens is, we give and we receive.

    just because someone is having issues, doesnt mean that they cant offer support. you asked : how can i help someone if i cant help myself "

    i think as long as one has conpassion towards another .. there will always be something positive to offer. you dont have to be cured to offer support.

    for a vast majority of us, its always easier said than done .. its just the way it is.

    stay strong. your not wasting your time. we also learn by reading what WE write.

    odie
     
  10. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey people. First of all, thank you so much for every single one of your replies, they really helped.

    You guys are right, I did have a crappy day and it just got to me. Same old loneliness and isolation, had another big and stupid fight with my father that left me on the edge, my whole family's on warpath as usual, then when I finished typing a huge school papper that took me over 3 hours just to type, the computer crashed and I lost almost everything. That just set me into "Damn it all to hell!" mode. I guess I had a nervous breakdown back there. I was on the edge for weeks, I just blew up today.

    I'm still here tough, guess that's a relief for everyone, including me. Tough seriously what kept me back was, for the most part, that I decided not to go without at least leaving suicide letters, and I still couldn't find the right words to write those.

    I feel alittle better now. I still can't find the... how to call it? Inspiration? Vision? anyway, the "thing" to be helpful to people in crisis. But I'm sure it'll come back in time, I really want to get back to being helpful to other people. Thanks again, you were all great.
     
  11. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Agreed.

    Just speak from the heart, even if it isn't always advice or something positive. Sometimes all people need to hear is "I know how you feel." I haven't had any great suggestions lately but I share that I'm right there as well and the way I'm feeling, and that's enough.
    And even if you haven't the energy to read posts or reply. Just post about yourself. Sometimes we're too tired to give support, but that never means you don't deserve it.
     
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