im broken

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by stillsearching..., Feb 10, 2007.

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  1. why do i do these things?
    things that only hurt me
    things that tear me apart
    it hurts
    to breathe
    i've let guys use me
    i've tried to drink the pain away
    i bury myself
    in my mass collection
    of secrets
    you don't know me
    i don't even know me
    this pain runs so deep
    then i think it's not real
    i must be imagining it
    everyone else is ok
    i am not ok
    but pretending only lasts so long
    it breaks my heart
    that i've been betrayed
    by those closest to me
    he said he would always be there for me
    he is such an asshole
    i always knew that
    even though he has a good heart
    he is searching for something
    and i would never be enough
    and that's fine
    but i'm just wondering
    if maybe i've let guys use me
    because i don't want them to know me
    i'm afraid they won't like the real me
    if they knew what i was really like
    they would run away
    and search for a simpler conquest
    and that would make everything worse
    so i won't let them get too close
    so they don't get scared
    why do i do these things?
    these things that cause me so much pain
    what is this pain?
    am i imagining it all?
    why does it feel like everything
    is such a mess?
    why can't i forgive myself?
    what is wrong with me?
    why can't i just be happy?
    like everyone else appears?
    i am such a mess
    all the time
    but i try to forget
    the past
    my past that haunts me
    i thought i moved on
    but i can't let go
    i can't let go of the hurt
    of the pain
    and i don't even know where it comes from
    this doesn't make sense
    i shouldn't feel this way
    how do i know it's real?
    everyone says
    that God is the answer
    and i'm not saying he's not
    because he is
    but that doesn't make all this
    disappear
    he's in my life
    but i am still so broken
    and i hate to admit this
    because this admits my weakness
    i am not strong
    why do i cry?
    what good does it do?
    crying, i mean?
    i want to let go
    of all of this
    that is still hurting me
    but what is it?
    i feel like such a disappointment
    sometimes
    i'm not the daughter i should be
    i'm not the person i should be
    i do so many things
    so many things that don't make them proud
    i feel like i have nothing
    nothing left to go on
    why can't i get rid of this?
    no one gets it
    i don't even get it
    everyone says there has to be a reason
    a reason to cry
    a reason to be upset
    i'm more just tired
    tired of trying
    i hide behind this person i pretend to be
    no one can see me
    i lie to the world
    i don't even know how to be real
    this isn't right
    i shouldn't feel this way
    i should be over it
    i feel like i've lost everything
    everything that i never had
    i have so much
    i have it all
    life is good
    but there's still something wrong
    and i feel so bad
    because
    i always do this
    i always come up short
    people don't get it
    i try so hard
    to overcome this
    to destroy this monster
    i don't know how to explain
    that depression isn't just a feeling
    it's a whole different person
    that kills me every day
    and lives my life
    it takes over
    i can say this over and over
    and it will never be enough
    to convince you
    that i have tried so many times
    to get over this
    but no matter how much God is in my life
    no matter how many people are in my life
    there is still something wrong
    so wrong
    and i can't fix it
    you might think i'm exaggerating
    making a big deal of nothing
    and maybe i am
    maybe i should just get over it
    like they all tell me to
    but it's just not that easy
    i like to think it is
    but it's not
    this pain runs so deep
    but where does it come from?
    oh God, where does it come from?
    i feel like such a screw up
    everyone has issues
    in their life
    and here i don't even really know what's wrong
    things aren't that bad
    but circumstances don't even matter
    how did i get here?
    does my past define me?
    why did everything just fall apart
    all over again?
    i was fine
    i was ok
    why can't i move on
    with my life?
    how do i explain
    what is wrong
    when nothing is
    and yet everything is
    i am what's wrong
    sometimes
    i just want to disappear
    to get away from all this
    to run away from myself
    from this place
    it all hurts
    this sorrow sinks so deep
    someone save me
    save me from myself
    please
    before it's too late
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2007
  2. is my poem that bad?
     
  3. damn..u could post dat in sum essay section if available..lol..i m kiddin..dat was nice but too long..
     
  4. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    I can relate to everything you said and I am here if you want to talk:sad: :sad:
     
  5. sorry, i know it was too long. it was just everything i was feelings. my apologies.
     
  6. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Don't apologize for your feelings. And if your poem was long, so what? I took the time to read it. Your feelings have merit and if it took a lot of words to express them, so be it. Many many poets have written longer poems than that - Walt Whitman comes to mind, as many others.

    love and hugs,:hug:

    least
     
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