I'm committing passive suicide

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by TheLoneWolf, Jun 6, 2012.

  1. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I don't currently have the motivation to take my own life. But I am drowning my sorrows in alcohol and likely drowning my liver in the process. It's only a matter of time before I die. And I don't care.

    Tick tock, tick tock.
  2. bigloozer

    bigloozer Member

    I care. Would you talk with me?
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the offer... though like most people, you will undoubtedly get tired of listening to me. And I don't feel like burdening anyone else with my problems. It wouldn't be right. We all have problems. I'm not special. I'm just a nobody with an alcohol problem. At least that's what the world sees when they look at me.
  4. bigloozer

    bigloozer Member

    I cant see you from here so I dont have any judgement. Nobody is nobody You are someone with a problem at the moment. It can be fixed may be not right now but it can.
  5. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Sorry... I didn't mean to come across as being rude. If you want or need someone to talk to, I will talk to you. I don't expect you to be able to help me though. Nobody can help me. I can't even help myself. But I am willing to talk to you if it will make you feel better. You'll probably just stop replying to my messages after a while like everybody else, but that's okay. I have no more expectations of anybody. I have no more expectations of myself either.

    Oh, and my problems are not temporary. They are permanent. My biggest problem is me. And that isn't going away until I die.
  6. bigloozer

    bigloozer Member

    Why is it when I ask anyone what they would like they always put the decision on to me?
    I am offering to listen and be here for YOU. I dont wish to burden anyone with my crap.
    Would you like to talk?
  7. bigloozer

    bigloozer Member

    OK Enjoy your drink.
  8. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    You say you don't want to burden me, but you're asking if I want to burden you... the answer is no, I don't want to burden you with my crap. I've tried confiding in others before. Most of them just stop talking to me after I pour my heart out. What the fuck is the use? What's even worse than being ignored though is having people waste their time talking to me when I know that they're only doing it out of kindness. At least when I offer to listen to somebody else's problems, I know that they appreciate me... they appreciate having somebody else who is willing to listen. I put the decision on you because my life isn't worth anyone else's attention. It's not even worth the oxygen required to keep me alive.
  9. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Damn... I posted this thread because this is the "let it all out" section. I thought the point was to vent. I didn't expect any replies and I really didn't intend to piss anyone off. Fucking A. Why do I fucking bother?

  10. Fumahol

    Fumahol Active Member

    I know you probably get this a lot, but I would be willing to talk with you. Please trust me when I say this, I will not get annoyed, I really won't. I have been needing someone to talk to for a very long time...
  11. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Thanks Fumahol... apparently I've already managed to annoy one person, and they've managed to annoy me back... probably not a good idea to go for two. But hey, if you need someone to talk to, you can PM me. I know I seem like an asshole, but I'm really not. I'm just tired of people acting like they want to help, then either ignoring me or going off on me (as evidenced in this thread). I mean hell, if you can't even reply to my thread without getting pissy with me, why in the FUCK would I want to PM you to talk about my problems? In that case, it's pretty fucking evident that you don't have the patience to deal with me, nor I with you.

    I'm not looking for help any more. I've given up on that. At this point I'm only here to vent, because I have no other outlet. I've tried to talk to people, and a lot of people have been nice, but I feel like they're only being nice to me for the sake of being nice. I don't think anyone can relate to me, and I KNOW that nobody can help me. I'm way beyond that point. It's just a question now as to whether I want to kill myself slowly or to get it over with quickly. I've been procrastinating and taking the slow route so far, but if people keep on pushing my buttons, I might just have to speed up the process.

    Still, though, if you want someone to talk to, I will listen and offer you whatever advice I have managed to accumulate over the years. It's all useless to me, but it may be helpful to somebody else. Yeah, I have my own problems, and they are problems without a solution. But if I am able to help somebody else, I am willing to try. It's always easier for me to see hope for other people than it is for me to find hope for myself.
  12. Fumahol

    Fumahol Active Member

    I sent a pm, maybe I can't help, but one thing I can do is be there and listen.
  13. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    i know you wish to vent but if you would like to talk i will be there to listen. i cant promise anything more but if you just need someone to listen to you then pm me.
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know you don't feel like there's hope right now, but there is. You're somebody important, even if you don't feel like you are. Your life, and what you're going through, matters.

    Just want you to know I care. :hug: I love talking to you, and I hope you know you can contact me anytime.
  15. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Thanks gem and Alison. :hug:

    Alison, you know I always talk to you. But you don't keep the same bizarre hours that I do... and sometimes I just want to vent online, because it's slightly less disturbing than talking to myself. Though at least talking to myself rarely results in arguments.
  16. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You can vent to me anytime you want...I also don't think I can be helped, but sometimes it's nice just to talk to someone and let them listen. I'm always around, doing much of nothing, lol...so I'll always answer.
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Lol I know, we tend to keep opposite hours a lot of the time. I'm just glad you came here to vent, because I think you need to get stuff out.
  18. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Here's my advice to you:

    1. Divorce your wife. You don't even like her. It's not working. Get out of that marriage.
    2. Quit drinking. It's stupid, it costs too much, it solves nothing, accomplishes nothing, makes tiny problems bigger.
    3. Get a goal. (not suicide)
    4. Get fit. You will feel better if you are in good shape.
    5. Save your money. If you have a goal, it will be easier to do this.
    6. Achieve your goal.
    7. Die knowing you at least tried to do something worthwhile.
  19. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    All good advice, gloomy...

    Regarding my wife, it's not that I don't like her. She's a nice person, and I don't want to hurt her. I'm just not in love with her, and I never will be.

    The drinking... yeah, I know, it's not fixing anything. If I was happy, I wouldn't want to drink.

    I have goals, I just don't think I have any hope of achieving them. I know this is just my own negative thinking that is holding me back, but that's a hard habit to break.

    I actually am fit, believe it or not. I'm 6', 185 lbs., lean and muscular, and I can bench press almost 300 pounds. I was a former wrestler, and my abusive former stepfather was adamant about me staying in top shape. One thing that I am very proud of is my body. Though women don't seem to care for it much, (a) because I'm kind of hairy and women don't like hairy men, and (b) because a lot of women don't like muscular men either. Apparently having a lot of testosterone is considered a bad thing these days.

    I can't save my money because I'm in debt. If I leave my wife, I'll be in even more debt.

    Can't achieve a goal until I have one...

    ... and the last part is something I would like to be able to say, some day.

    But look, here's the thing... we all know all of the answers, right? So why are all of us here? Why are we all suicidal if we're all so smart and know what we need to do? It's because it's not that easy, and because we don't have faith in ourselves. I don't believe that I will ever be happy. I can sit here and try to convince myself that I will be, but at the end of the day, I'm still dragged down by my nagging doubts. And so are you. So is everybody else here. If we all knew the secret to happiness, we'd all be happy, wouldn't we? But we're not. Because life isn't as simple as making a to-do list. Life is hard, and it doesn't always work out like we want it to, in spite of our best efforts and intentions. So many of us withdraw from it emotionally, because we're tired of failure... we're tired of pain, and loneliness, and depression, and feeling worthless. It's easy to say "keep your chin up", but do you know how hard it is to actually keep your chin up? Sure you do... with a username like gloomy, you have to know. It's hard to keep your chin up when it feels like your chin weighs a thousand pounds. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's worth the effort.