A couple weeks ago, I had a dispute with my only close relatives, who have been supporting me for the past year. The dispute (over the phone) escalated to where they thought I was going to kill myself and they called the cops on me. I was pissed, told them to lose my number and then regretted it. Oddly, in that time of needing to lean on someone, they would've been the one I leaned on.
We've spoken a couple times since (very cold conversations) and they would not accept my apology, even though I still feel that they are at fault in some part and should also apologize. But sadly for me, they have their own family and lives and so don't need me, so it's a very one-sided relationship and once again I'm left to apologize just to have them back in my life. I said I was not going to do this again, but it's tough not having them in my life.
Over the past 2 days, we've finally had proper discussions about the situation, including meeting at a restaurant (because they're uncomfortable with me) to talk. Somehow they think I'm psycho and that hurts me more. The bottom line here is that I'm sure they mean it when they say they care, but I feel like they've reached their wits end with supporting me. I've been trying for some months now to not bother them ... I've pulled away quite a bit, and stay away when I'm in a general gloomy mood (even when that's when I need them most), but they even use that against me in wrong ways. I hate being misinterpreted. They're very cold towards me now and that really hurts.
Now, I'm essentially on trial with them, as they heard my "case", my apologies, etc and now they've gone back to discuss if they will accept me back in my life. I feel like I'm begging someone to like me and it's humiliating as ever, but I can't live without them. If I die today, they'll be sad, but get over me and a week later they'll be living their lives, but it's quite the opposite as I really need them. These are the cousins I like. I've thanked them significantly for everything they've done for me in the past, and yes I understand they have their own lives, but I don't know what to do now. I've opened up my life to them now so they can understand my intentions are pure, but now I'm even more humiliated by that. Still I would die without their support.
I'm very conflicted as to what to do about the situation (though I'm not sure I even have a say in the matter now), so I need any advice that any of you can provide me.
We've spoken a couple times since (very cold conversations) and they would not accept my apology, even though I still feel that they are at fault in some part and should also apologize. But sadly for me, they have their own family and lives and so don't need me, so it's a very one-sided relationship and once again I'm left to apologize just to have them back in my life. I said I was not going to do this again, but it's tough not having them in my life.
Over the past 2 days, we've finally had proper discussions about the situation, including meeting at a restaurant (because they're uncomfortable with me) to talk. Somehow they think I'm psycho and that hurts me more. The bottom line here is that I'm sure they mean it when they say they care, but I feel like they've reached their wits end with supporting me. I've been trying for some months now to not bother them ... I've pulled away quite a bit, and stay away when I'm in a general gloomy mood (even when that's when I need them most), but they even use that against me in wrong ways. I hate being misinterpreted. They're very cold towards me now and that really hurts.
Now, I'm essentially on trial with them, as they heard my "case", my apologies, etc and now they've gone back to discuss if they will accept me back in my life. I feel like I'm begging someone to like me and it's humiliating as ever, but I can't live without them. If I die today, they'll be sad, but get over me and a week later they'll be living their lives, but it's quite the opposite as I really need them. These are the cousins I like. I've thanked them significantly for everything they've done for me in the past, and yes I understand they have their own lives, but I don't know what to do now. I've opened up my life to them now so they can understand my intentions are pure, but now I'm even more humiliated by that. Still I would die without their support.
I'm very conflicted as to what to do about the situation (though I'm not sure I even have a say in the matter now), so I need any advice that any of you can provide me.
