I'm confused, anyone? *possible trigger*

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~CazzaAngel~, Mar 17, 2008.

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  1. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I don't know what to think about my mother. I get so confused. She treats me so cruelly, but in the end makes me feel guilty for telling her not to treat me as she does.. I'll try to explain a bit more about her.

    My mother tends to take out her problems on me because I look like my father and she counted on my father coming back to us because I was a small child when he left us and she tried to us that to get him to come back, he did and she kind of regretted me because he didn't come back because of me.

    She doesn't like the fact I look more like my father.

    When I was younger she ended up marrying my ex step father and she knew he'd been sexually, physically and emotionally abusing me, she told me it was my problem, and told me to never tell or she wouldn't forgive me, she kept me in the situation.

    She has always liked to degrade me in anything possible, even now she likes to say she is coming over to visit or help out when my illnesses get to bad to do everything for myself, but she mainly just ends up coming over and using me as a verbal punching bag. (though I need her for transportation. :()

    After I tell her to stop verbally abusing me i.e.; telling me things like I'm worthless, useless, a waste of space, stupid, fat, never do things right, and I ask her over and over to stop, she'll end up calling or messaging me saying things to make me feel bad for telling her not to talk to me that way.

    My mother was also diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) when she was 19 (she's 55 now), not sure if this plays a part in it.

    What do you all think about this? Is it justified? Why does she treat me this way?

    I'm confused, I'd appreciate whatever anyone would have to say.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2008
  2. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Carolyn, :hug: I really don't know why your mother treats you in this way but I do know that the problem lies with her and not with who you look like or anything you have done.
    Do you really have to rely on her for transport, is there no-one else you could turn to? If there was then my instinct would be, to say distance yourself from her. She is certainly not helping you by constantly putting you down like that.

    :hug: Hazel xo
  3. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member


    Hi Carolyn,
    It sounds like our mothers are very similar... I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much abuse. I have no idea what to make of mine, either.

    I agree with the distancing suggestion. This is something I'm struggling with myself. I've been told by several people that I need to move out, and I think they're all right, but being in an abusive atmosphere makes it just that much harder.

    In all honesty, from what you've said, I would not feel guilty simply walling her off. Some people are toxic and need to be removed from our lives for our own good, as hard as it may be.

    And if it's any consolation, I'm sure that because of what you've gone through you'll never be that type of mother.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2008
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    My mother also has those tendencies...sent me into her husband as her sacrfiicial lamb, and fained being 'clueless'...all I can say is tht you are a wonderful woman who deserves to be treated quite well, and anything less, is just 'bad' behavior...I do not think we can change another (under usual circumstances), but we can change what we expect from someone and how entrenched we are in a relationship with someone (even one's mother) who treats us like this...the limits I had to set with my mother were some of the more painful ones I have had to make in my life...but, I could not be treated any less than I deserved...please PM/IM/send a pigeon if I can help...big hugs, J
  5. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    I agree with what people are saying about distancing yourself from her. She sounds exactly like mine, always telling me I'm a waste of space etc. I'd move away myself but can't do that right now, slightly too young to move out. She shouldn't be treating you this way though :hug:
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You don't deserve to be treated that way by anyone, lest of all your mother. If at all possible, maybe it is time to sever the ties. Maybe it will help you to feel better about yourself if you are not constantly toled by her the things she says. It is something to think about. :hug:
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Know what Caz, she's no mother :mad::mad:
    I've spent a life time with a mother who thinks nothing I do is good enough and its draining, self esteem eroding and generally horrible.
    I have never told my son I am not proud of him or said anything derogatory in any way. The reason is simple, I love him, there is nothing he could do that would break that bond.
    Maybe our mothers arent capable of that love, but you are Caz so tell her to go take a long walk off a short pier :hug:
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